If you get a chance, watch the episode of Dr. Phil today about the judge who was seen on You Tube beating his daughter.
The girls mother actually joins in. And sadly, I completely understand her mother. She seemed to me that she wanted to give her daughter her punishment and be done but the father was raging.
She didn't protect her daughter because she was scared of what her husband would do to her. In my opinion, I think she was trying to punish her daughter to appease her husband and then he'd stop. But he didn't.
Don't think I defend her actions because they are indefensible but I understand it. I understand why my mother never protected us. One, she was brainwashed into beleiving what he was doing was right. And the times when she knew he wasn't right, she didn't jump to our defense because then his rage would be turned to her. And sadly, I feel like sometimes, when my dad was angry, it was every man for themself.
I understand being brainwashed and thinking those sort of things are normal. As bad as it sounds, it's true. Until high school, I thought everybody got 'beat.' And even after I moved out, I still thought a lot of what he did was alright. Now, i realize most everything he did, in regards to discipline was wrong.
Two things about the video hit me very hard. One, the father kept saying "Turn Over, Turn OVer or I'll hit your face." My dad used to say that and even go further saying he didn't even care if he broke out all my teeth.
Second, something the mother said just infuriated me. She told her daughter to "turn over and take it like a grown woman." Dammit, a 16 year old girl is not a grown woman. And taking a beating isn't something an adult should be expected to endure.
And regardless of the daughters motives for releasing the video, he was still wrong. YOU DON'T BEAT YOUR KIDS.
And while Jeff and I choose to raise Avalon absent of corporal punishment, I don't know if i think spanking in general is necesarily bad. Spanking is different from beating. That being said, I think Dr Phil has a good point. Spanking is not the way to go. Because when you turn angry a spanking can easily become more.
I don't want to ever put myself in that position. So, not spanking eliminates that. Because, while the pain of spanking is (mostly temporary) there are such lasting effects that I think people like my dad never thought of. I could never forgive myself if Avalon became fearful and distrustful of me. If I lost her trust and respect, my parenting would no longer be effective.
(Please do not take this post as a cry for pity. That is the last thing I need. This subject just had me all riled up and I needed to vent. I am not an expert on parenting but I think I have figured some things out especially in regards to what I don't want to do)
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
Update
* Holy Crap, fall is flying by. Time flies when you're having fun. Or when you're working on your house.
* Got the new garage doors and openers on Friday. They are so nice! The fact that they open and close is a plus ;) . But they are so quiet and don't shake the house when in use.
* Now that we have a yard with trees, we actually have to rake leaves. Two Sundays ago Jeff and I did the yard, which didn't seem horrible. However, 9 huge yard bags later and the entire dumpster full, we finished. Then the next day it looked like we never had done it.
* So we went out and bought new outdoor lights for the house. The old ones were not our style and dated the house. So now, when we paint the shutters next spring as well as the front door, along with a new kickplate that isn't gold, the outside of the house will be updated(more or less).
*Note i didn't include landscaping. I have some major yard work to do new next spring. But with as much fun as we've been having working on the house, I really am looking forward to it.
Plus I will have an even bigger spot for a garden!
* Jeff and I bought the matching pendant(matches the dining room chandelier) for the front entryway. It's not hung yet because the entry way is a story and a half and Jeff is going to need help and I don't think I'll be able to do it.
* We got a bid for the new railing that is in the split entry. And while we are in Great Falls for Thanksgiving, the railing will be done. Then it's on to paint and floors.
* Looking forward to the Thanksgiving hoopla in Great Falls. We haven't been able to see Pat and Joelene since this summer so it's long over due. Probably will get to see my older brother Joe as well. And since it's been over two years, it is a long overdue visit. Also love reading the ads for Black Friday. And Black Friday in Great Falls doesn't seem as daunting as it does here in Billings.
* Jeff and I have finished almost all of Avalon's Christmas shopping save a couple of smaller things. I just love buying gifts for people.
* We went to Bozeman a couple of weekends ago. It was nice to do something other than work on the house. I got to stop at a quilt shop in Livingston and get a few things with a gift certificate I had gotten for my birthday. I hope to maybe start quiliting more seriously but we'll see how that goes. I also got a pattern and material for a pretty cool handbag. Also got some beginners how-to books on it.
* My weight has been screwy lately. I've been working out harder than ever and even started spinning. But by Monday morning I was up 3 lbs and by this morning I was down 4. A bit frustrating but my whole weight loss adventure has been a rollercoaster so what's new?
*Murphy has been a royal pain in the ass. He has taken to stealing Avalon's food nearly every meal. So then if I put him outside so he can't, he has been barking like crazy. So then I make him come back inside and he steals her food again. He has also been trying to steal food from Jeff and I off the dinner table. His thievery has no bounds. I have to have an eye on him all the time. But I'm about this far away *pinches fingers together* from losing my wits with him lately.
* It is for this precise reason that God made dogs and children so darn cute. Because it is their only redeeming factor when they are being shits. Generally though, Murph is a shit and Avalon is a pretty darn good kid.
* Avalon has recently taken to puzzles and card games. She has always done puzzles but now she is doing the bigger ones that have 24 or 48 pieces and is pretty quick. We also taught her how to play Uno and she caught on quick also. Still working on good sportsmanship. She is actually doing much better in that respect. Although she still wants to win EVERY time. (But who doesn't)
* She has kind of gotten in to this 'scared of everything' phase. If it is remotely unfamiliar or could possible have something scary, she is done with whatever it is. She almost didn't go trick or treating because of it. She doesn't want to Peter and the Wolf at Ballet because the music sounds scar. (She actually started balling at her teacher over it) She wouldn't go down the waterslide at the hotel in Bozeman and wouldn't get on the slack line even if Jeff and I helped her. The line between recognizing her fears and giving into them is a difficult one. She did this once before too when she was two'ish. Hoping this will pass.
* I've got a few recipes to share: cheddar siracha bread and homemade apple sauce. One of these days I'll get around to posting. But lately by the end of the day I am tired. I've even been going to bed early. Me? Going to bed early? I know, strange.
Alright, later gators.
* Got the new garage doors and openers on Friday. They are so nice! The fact that they open and close is a plus ;) . But they are so quiet and don't shake the house when in use.
* Now that we have a yard with trees, we actually have to rake leaves. Two Sundays ago Jeff and I did the yard, which didn't seem horrible. However, 9 huge yard bags later and the entire dumpster full, we finished. Then the next day it looked like we never had done it.
* So we went out and bought new outdoor lights for the house. The old ones were not our style and dated the house. So now, when we paint the shutters next spring as well as the front door, along with a new kickplate that isn't gold, the outside of the house will be updated(more or less).
*Note i didn't include landscaping. I have some major yard work to do new next spring. But with as much fun as we've been having working on the house, I really am looking forward to it.
Plus I will have an even bigger spot for a garden!
* Jeff and I bought the matching pendant(matches the dining room chandelier) for the front entryway. It's not hung yet because the entry way is a story and a half and Jeff is going to need help and I don't think I'll be able to do it.
* We got a bid for the new railing that is in the split entry. And while we are in Great Falls for Thanksgiving, the railing will be done. Then it's on to paint and floors.
* Looking forward to the Thanksgiving hoopla in Great Falls. We haven't been able to see Pat and Joelene since this summer so it's long over due. Probably will get to see my older brother Joe as well. And since it's been over two years, it is a long overdue visit. Also love reading the ads for Black Friday. And Black Friday in Great Falls doesn't seem as daunting as it does here in Billings.
* Jeff and I have finished almost all of Avalon's Christmas shopping save a couple of smaller things. I just love buying gifts for people.
* We went to Bozeman a couple of weekends ago. It was nice to do something other than work on the house. I got to stop at a quilt shop in Livingston and get a few things with a gift certificate I had gotten for my birthday. I hope to maybe start quiliting more seriously but we'll see how that goes. I also got a pattern and material for a pretty cool handbag. Also got some beginners how-to books on it.
* My weight has been screwy lately. I've been working out harder than ever and even started spinning. But by Monday morning I was up 3 lbs and by this morning I was down 4. A bit frustrating but my whole weight loss adventure has been a rollercoaster so what's new?
*Murphy has been a royal pain in the ass. He has taken to stealing Avalon's food nearly every meal. So then if I put him outside so he can't, he has been barking like crazy. So then I make him come back inside and he steals her food again. He has also been trying to steal food from Jeff and I off the dinner table. His thievery has no bounds. I have to have an eye on him all the time. But I'm about this far away *pinches fingers together* from losing my wits with him lately.
* It is for this precise reason that God made dogs and children so darn cute. Because it is their only redeeming factor when they are being shits. Generally though, Murph is a shit and Avalon is a pretty darn good kid.
* Avalon has recently taken to puzzles and card games. She has always done puzzles but now she is doing the bigger ones that have 24 or 48 pieces and is pretty quick. We also taught her how to play Uno and she caught on quick also. Still working on good sportsmanship. She is actually doing much better in that respect. Although she still wants to win EVERY time. (But who doesn't)
* She has kind of gotten in to this 'scared of everything' phase. If it is remotely unfamiliar or could possible have something scary, she is done with whatever it is. She almost didn't go trick or treating because of it. She doesn't want to Peter and the Wolf at Ballet because the music sounds scar. (She actually started balling at her teacher over it) She wouldn't go down the waterslide at the hotel in Bozeman and wouldn't get on the slack line even if Jeff and I helped her. The line between recognizing her fears and giving into them is a difficult one. She did this once before too when she was two'ish. Hoping this will pass.
* I've got a few recipes to share: cheddar siracha bread and homemade apple sauce. One of these days I'll get around to posting. But lately by the end of the day I am tired. I've even been going to bed early. Me? Going to bed early? I know, strange.
Alright, later gators.
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