*Chocolate covered cinnamon bears are incredible. That says a lot because i hate cinnamon flavored anything.
*Been taking it easy on counting calories. Doctor is making it sound like our eventual solution to me losing weight is to eat more(counterintuitive I know). But when I count calories, my first instinct is to restrict. Haven't been going overboard and still working out but trying to back off on it a little. So far nothing bad has happened.
*Cant say the same thing for Miss Avalon. She's had a rough go since getting two fillings last Tuesday. SHe ended up biting her tongue and cheek pretty bad. So then she didn't want to eat because it hurt.
* Then Sunday when she was complaining about her tongue I checked it out and the whole thing was covered with loads of white mucus/film. Looked like thrush to me but the doc took a sample and didn't come up as that.
*Monday night she started developing little spots all over her torso face and arms. Looked like the beginning of chicken pox even though she has been vaccinated.
*Tuesday morning, I was pretty sure it wasn't chickenpox. The little spots had turned into huge patches of welts across her chest waist and rib cage. It swoll up both her eyes, one worse than the other.
*So Tuesday afternoon, I took her back to the doc. Doc said, likely she has a virus that instead of a sore throat and sniffles is giving her hives. Likely will last a week. Unfortunately they are very itchy for her especially the ones on her face and chin.
*After some benadryl last night and this morning, I was hopeful that she wouldn't have them too much longer, but they came back with a vengence tonight. And benadryl seems to make her weepy and unable to sleep. Poor kid just needs a break.
*Doc kinda treated me like I overreacted. Kinda pisses me off when they do that. Besides its my money and I'm pretty sure when someone has unexplained swelling on their face, it's an issue.
*Pretty sure we've met the deductable for the year.
* Our new floors get installed on Monday (and probably Tuesday) The end is in sight!
* We are headed to Bozeman for the weekend just to get out of town and to pick up some kegs from my brother.
* Speaking of kegs, Jeff started brewing again. And instead of bottling, he is kegging which is a more exact way of carbonating the beer. And his first batch is pretty darn good. So I see more beer in our future since the fridge he got to store it all will hold five 5 gallon kegs.
*We have a trip planned to San Diego in May. We are staying beach front in La Jolla. I cannotwait to go on vacation.
*Also going to Yellowstone in June. We cancelled our Yellowstone trip last year because we were in the middle of buying/selling a house.
*Avalon had her kindergarten shots and is enrolled to start school at Poly Drive School this fall.
*If I had thought about it a bit better, I would have held her back a year because she will be a very young five and I could use another year home with her before she starts her educational career for the next 12+ years.
*But she's so excited to go to school that there is no bursting her bubble now.
*Murph has been a royal pain in the arse. Would you believe I have to watch him more than Avalon. Last week he ate, a pound of milled grain Jeff had bought for brewing his beer. All that was left was the knot in the bag.
*Then he at 3 of the 5 legs of Avalon's starfish. You'd think this stuff would make him sick but no.
*Doc tested my vitamin levels and my vitamin d was very low(as I'm sure it probably is for most people in the middle of winter. But for the next two weeks I have a prescription of two pills of 50,000units and then just regular over the counter vitamin of 2000 units.
*As usual I am concerned about my weight loss. But the fact that my hair is falling out has me even more worried. And it's not just in my head, Jeff has noticed as well as my hairdresser.
*Need a good book to read. Sometimes I feel so picky. Or maybe just thrifty. There is plenty I want to read but I can't spending hardback prices.
*Made a rum cake the other night after our doctor visit. Baking relaxes me. Funny thing though, Avalon has probably eaten half of that rum cake saying, "It is soooo good."
* Silly kid has been killing it with all the funny things she has been saying. The four year old stage is the best yet.
Peace out!
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
What to do What to do
I got an email from my biological father despite the address being blocked. The time stamp was at 3:50AM. I'm not sure if those things are accurate but if so, what in the world is he up to. And since I refuse to respond to his rhetoric, I've wondered what I could do to discourage his behavior knowing I can't control anything he does(like the drive bys he did while we were in Great Falls in January)
But I've blocked him and even that isn't working. So I figure I'll post what he wrote. And I won't have to say a word to show people who my dad is and what he does. He can do it himself. And people can make their judgments on who the crazy one is.
(As a side note, this is not a cry for pity. I absolutely hate pity. I'm a big girl with a great life. But you'd think after 11 years, he'd grow tired of the BS.)
So here goes:
Heather,
As your life continues to progress you will come to the point where you will realize, that beyond all immature thoughts and imaginations, alongside all emotions and vanity, in spite of all knowledge, certainty and fear, you are absolutely going to die, that the path of your life is leading you to one, sure end from which there is no escape, nor can you turn back to return or re-do anything you will eventually recognize as your failure and perceive to be something you wish would have been different. At that point, imagined innocence won't matter, perceived justification will have no bearing, and all excuses will be seen for what they've been and are. I can continue to speak from experience of which you still know very little, I could quote from the Bible, my source of absolute truth beyond all knowledge and experience...which you've previously chosen not to hear; instead I'll write to you about justice and protection.
Even if God recognizes you justified and excused in your hatred of me (and don't imagine your attitude in my regard anything else; we are and will be judged, not by our own understandings and judgments of God's words but by God's definition and He defines hatred as "the desire to have nothing to do with, the will to avoid and abandon, to have no active regard for") will He justify and excuse you for your hatred of your mother, for your abandonment of Hilary, for the way you, a wise and learned person according to your own words, has treated and continues to treat your family? Or will He ultimately grant you justice: Will He allow the things you've done and do to others, happen to you? Will He ordain Avalon, someday, to abandon you and, possibly, Jeff, as you've abandoned your family? This will be justice. This will be you reaping what you have sown.
And someday, as Avalon inevitably disagrees with you, when she finds your judgments and opinions unjust, unfair and cruel as you've found mine to be, and she does as she's been taught, as your history will eventually reveal "truth", "history", and "justice" to her, and she does as you have done....something you can't imagine now because you're unable to see it as justice, will you have the presence of mind to recall this letter and the scriptural truths directing it and say, "Father, do unto me as I have done; this is justice: that I should receive as I did and do unto others? And if you're able, will you be comforted by so doing? We both know the answer to these questions.
There is only one protection for all of us and that is to sow as we hope to reap. Should I expect to receive kindness, I must execute kindness. Should I expect to reap forgiveness, I first must sow it. God's order opposes practically everything we imagine and think on our own; that's why He says, "As you do to the least of these children of Mine, you do unto Me; as you fail to do to the least of these children of Mine, you fail to do to Me!" (Matthew 25:40,45). It's His way that causes "the sun to rise and set and the rain to fall on the just as well as the unjust." It's our way to judge others in our imaginations of their injustices to us. It should be obvious to you, that even in your youth and vigor, that the way you've managed your family relationships, won't, ultimately, be satisfying to you, especially should they later be replayed in your own family. Take time to read Romans 12:16-21, Paul's revelation of our Father as God of the lowly and what should be our response to others. Pray, if not with me with Paul, that you will desire to live in harmony with others without haughtiness, without conceit, willing to associate with those you consider lowly, that God will help you repay no one evil for evil but that He'll enable you to take thought for what is noble in the sight of all and, as far as it depends on you, to ordain you to live peaceably with everyone....to cause you to seek no revenge for yourself but leave it to God's wrath, that He'll help you not to be overcome with evil but to overcome evil with good, to, in the name and authority of Jesus, to ask and do these things according to His will and not what your will so far has been.
Your grandparents on both sides loved you. Sheryl's mother, particularly, has always remembered your special days and still keeps you and your loved ones in her thoughts, inquiries and prayers. Your abandonment of them is something that, as you grow older, will haunt you and cause you to regret and fear....not merely for your own sake, but for Avalon's. Isn't it easier to simply now give up what will be regret, to now give up your hardness of heart, to now give up your judgments, condemnations and unforgivenessnesses, than it will be to live with what most certainly will become irreversible sorrow and regret?
Perhaps, as you often have done before, you will see this letter as my criticism and judgment of you. Someday, instead, you'll see it as my attempt to protect you from what you will most certainly endure should you not perceive it in the spirit in which it is written; someday you'll understand it as coming from someone who has loved you very much. You've hurt your Mom and me; you changed the way Hilary understands sisterhood and family; you've devastated your Grandma Joann and, before that, your Grandpa Joe. "As a (wo)man sows, so shall (s)he reap." You may pick the times you sow, but God chooses the times you reap; you won't be satisfied when you begin to suffer the consequences of the things you've done. Someday you will wake up realizing that most of your life is behind you, that your parents are dead and gone and your opportunity to correct your part of what has been a pathetic situation, with them. In spite of what you imagine you'll think in the future, what I've written here is what you'll be feeling. Take the high road: be a better person, do better things, overcome as you'd like things overcome for you. Now is the time to initiate change, to be different and better. Blessings, Dad
But I've blocked him and even that isn't working. So I figure I'll post what he wrote. And I won't have to say a word to show people who my dad is and what he does. He can do it himself. And people can make their judgments on who the crazy one is.
(As a side note, this is not a cry for pity. I absolutely hate pity. I'm a big girl with a great life. But you'd think after 11 years, he'd grow tired of the BS.)
So here goes:
Heather,
As your life continues to progress you will come to the point where you will realize, that beyond all immature thoughts and imaginations, alongside all emotions and vanity, in spite of all knowledge, certainty and fear, you are absolutely going to die, that the path of your life is leading you to one, sure end from which there is no escape, nor can you turn back to return or re-do anything you will eventually recognize as your failure and perceive to be something you wish would have been different. At that point, imagined innocence won't matter, perceived justification will have no bearing, and all excuses will be seen for what they've been and are. I can continue to speak from experience of which you still know very little, I could quote from the Bible, my source of absolute truth beyond all knowledge and experience...which you've previously chosen not to hear; instead I'll write to you about justice and protection.
Even if God recognizes you justified and excused in your hatred of me (and don't imagine your attitude in my regard anything else; we are and will be judged, not by our own understandings and judgments of God's words but by God's definition and He defines hatred as "the desire to have nothing to do with, the will to avoid and abandon, to have no active regard for") will He justify and excuse you for your hatred of your mother, for your abandonment of Hilary, for the way you, a wise and learned person according to your own words, has treated and continues to treat your family? Or will He ultimately grant you justice: Will He allow the things you've done and do to others, happen to you? Will He ordain Avalon, someday, to abandon you and, possibly, Jeff, as you've abandoned your family? This will be justice. This will be you reaping what you have sown.
And someday, as Avalon inevitably disagrees with you, when she finds your judgments and opinions unjust, unfair and cruel as you've found mine to be, and she does as she's been taught, as your history will eventually reveal "truth", "history", and "justice" to her, and she does as you have done....something you can't imagine now because you're unable to see it as justice, will you have the presence of mind to recall this letter and the scriptural truths directing it and say, "Father, do unto me as I have done; this is justice: that I should receive as I did and do unto others? And if you're able, will you be comforted by so doing? We both know the answer to these questions.
There is only one protection for all of us and that is to sow as we hope to reap. Should I expect to receive kindness, I must execute kindness. Should I expect to reap forgiveness, I first must sow it. God's order opposes practically everything we imagine and think on our own; that's why He says, "As you do to the least of these children of Mine, you do unto Me; as you fail to do to the least of these children of Mine, you fail to do to Me!" (Matthew 25:40,45). It's His way that causes "the sun to rise and set and the rain to fall on the just as well as the unjust." It's our way to judge others in our imaginations of their injustices to us. It should be obvious to you, that even in your youth and vigor, that the way you've managed your family relationships, won't, ultimately, be satisfying to you, especially should they later be replayed in your own family. Take time to read Romans 12:16-21, Paul's revelation of our Father as God of the lowly and what should be our response to others. Pray, if not with me with Paul, that you will desire to live in harmony with others without haughtiness, without conceit, willing to associate with those you consider lowly, that God will help you repay no one evil for evil but that He'll enable you to take thought for what is noble in the sight of all and, as far as it depends on you, to ordain you to live peaceably with everyone....to cause you to seek no revenge for yourself but leave it to God's wrath, that He'll help you not to be overcome with evil but to overcome evil with good, to, in the name and authority of Jesus, to ask and do these things according to His will and not what your will so far has been.
Your grandparents on both sides loved you. Sheryl's mother, particularly, has always remembered your special days and still keeps you and your loved ones in her thoughts, inquiries and prayers. Your abandonment of them is something that, as you grow older, will haunt you and cause you to regret and fear....not merely for your own sake, but for Avalon's. Isn't it easier to simply now give up what will be regret, to now give up your hardness of heart, to now give up your judgments, condemnations and unforgivenessnesses, than it will be to live with what most certainly will become irreversible sorrow and regret?
Perhaps, as you often have done before, you will see this letter as my criticism and judgment of you. Someday, instead, you'll see it as my attempt to protect you from what you will most certainly endure should you not perceive it in the spirit in which it is written; someday you'll understand it as coming from someone who has loved you very much. You've hurt your Mom and me; you changed the way Hilary understands sisterhood and family; you've devastated your Grandma Joann and, before that, your Grandpa Joe. "As a (wo)man sows, so shall (s)he reap." You may pick the times you sow, but God chooses the times you reap; you won't be satisfied when you begin to suffer the consequences of the things you've done. Someday you will wake up realizing that most of your life is behind you, that your parents are dead and gone and your opportunity to correct your part of what has been a pathetic situation, with them. In spite of what you imagine you'll think in the future, what I've written here is what you'll be feeling. Take the high road: be a better person, do better things, overcome as you'd like things overcome for you. Now is the time to initiate change, to be different and better. Blessings, Dad
Thursday, February 16, 2012
P.S.
FYI there are some things that are not appropriate for Facebook. And that is the nicest thing I can say in regards to that. I am still fuming about something and feel like it isn't even my place to be upset but I am.
And I don't want any pity. Does anybody ever want pity? I really don't think so. I think we just want to be understood. I absolutely hate pity.
Peace Out!
And I don't want any pity. Does anybody ever want pity? I really don't think so. I think we just want to be understood. I absolutely hate pity.
Peace Out!
What now
Part of me has things to say, things I want to record, feelings I want to make known. And the other part of me says, "What's the point."
I am so tired of talking about my weight loss or lack there of. I'm tired of doctors who don't seem to have answers and want to suggest surgery. I have no problem restricting my calories. Isn't that the point of gastric bypass/lapband.
I am so tired of being stressed about what I put into my mouth. I am tired of being stressed about squeezing in enough exercise. I am tired of hurting. My hips, knees, ankles and feet hurt ALL of the time. I am tired of the anxious panicky feeling I have when I can't exercise. When Jeff says, "Take a week off, let your feet heal up a bit," I want to say "Yeah you're right I should." Instead I look at him like he's shouting blashemy.
I'm tired of people who suggest supplements, strange diets, fads, and want to make a dollar off of me trying to lose weight. I know how to lose weight. Cut calories, and exercise. I'm doing that. All. the. time.
I've gained 4 lbs since Thanksgiving. I can't for the life of me, get it to come off, and lose more. 300 minutes of exercise, 1200 calories, 15-20 miles a week. I'm tired.
I'm really tired of sounding like a whiner. But this consumes my life. I'm tired of it consuming my life.
And now my doctor thinks I'm starving myself, that 1200 calories aren't enough. If I were starving myself, would I have the energy to exercise this much, do all the things I do, wouldn't I be absolutely exhausted? Not that I have more energy than the next guy but I'm not dragging butt all day.
I am so tired of talking about my weight loss or lack there of. I'm tired of doctors who don't seem to have answers and want to suggest surgery. I have no problem restricting my calories. Isn't that the point of gastric bypass/lapband.
I am so tired of being stressed about what I put into my mouth. I am tired of being stressed about squeezing in enough exercise. I am tired of hurting. My hips, knees, ankles and feet hurt ALL of the time. I am tired of the anxious panicky feeling I have when I can't exercise. When Jeff says, "Take a week off, let your feet heal up a bit," I want to say "Yeah you're right I should." Instead I look at him like he's shouting blashemy.
I'm tired of people who suggest supplements, strange diets, fads, and want to make a dollar off of me trying to lose weight. I know how to lose weight. Cut calories, and exercise. I'm doing that. All. the. time.
I've gained 4 lbs since Thanksgiving. I can't for the life of me, get it to come off, and lose more. 300 minutes of exercise, 1200 calories, 15-20 miles a week. I'm tired.
I'm really tired of sounding like a whiner. But this consumes my life. I'm tired of it consuming my life.
And now my doctor thinks I'm starving myself, that 1200 calories aren't enough. If I were starving myself, would I have the energy to exercise this much, do all the things I do, wouldn't I be absolutely exhausted? Not that I have more energy than the next guy but I'm not dragging butt all day.
Thursday, January 19, 2012
My Advice for the Day
1. Fake it til ya make it
2. Sometimes you have to get out of your own way.
Stew on that for a while.
2. Sometimes you have to get out of your own way.
Stew on that for a while.
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
New Years Meme
1. What did you do in 2011 that you had never done before? Taxes after the sale of stock...never again.
2. Did you keep your New Year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year? I had goals and out of 10 major ones, I made 8 of them.
3. What would you like to have in 2012 that you lacked in 2011? more down time. With the move and all that led up to it and after, we were busy most of the year.
4. What’s your biggest achievement of the year? losing another 25 lbs for a total of 50
5. What was your biggest failure? Just one? Probably every time I lose my patience.
6. Did you suffer illness or injury? Besides a pretty serious bee sting, I've been quite healthy. *knocks on wood*
7. What was the best thing you bought? Our new house, followed by the new car
8. Whose behavior deserves merit? Miss Avalon. She's just such a good kid. I've totally lucked out in the kid department.
9. Whose behavior made you appalled and disgusted? My biological parents. They never cease to amaze me.
10. Where did most of your money go? House payment and Target.
11. What did you get really, really excited about? Going on vacation, buying a new house
12. Compared to this time last year are you?
a)happier or sadder? happier
b)fatter or thinner? thinner
c)richer or poorer? richer I guess? I don't feel poor but that doesn't mean we don't have to budget just like every other household.
13. What do you wish you had done more of? Dinner with friends
14. What do you wish you had done less of? Packing! Downside of moving. I feel like I did it for 3 months straight
15. What was your favorite TV program: geesh that's a hard one. Toss up between Criminal Minds and Biggest Loser
16. What did you want and get? A new house! We'd been looking for a couple years
17. What did you not want and not get? Diamond earrings? Did nobody know that I wanted them? Well now you do for 2012.
18, What was your favorite film this year? The Kings Speech.
19. What did you do on your birthday and how old were you? Went to Ciao Mambo for the 29th birthday
20. What kept you sane? Jeff, Avalon and exercise
21. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Really would rather not say, bit embarrassed and ashamed etc. ;)
22. Who was the best new person you met? I met Steph early in the year. I actually maybe have met her in December of 2010 but we didn't actually hang out until 2011
23. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2011. Sometimes what you think you want isn't what you need.
2. Did you keep your New Year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year? I had goals and out of 10 major ones, I made 8 of them.
3. What would you like to have in 2012 that you lacked in 2011? more down time. With the move and all that led up to it and after, we were busy most of the year.
4. What’s your biggest achievement of the year? losing another 25 lbs for a total of 50
5. What was your biggest failure? Just one? Probably every time I lose my patience.
6. Did you suffer illness or injury? Besides a pretty serious bee sting, I've been quite healthy. *knocks on wood*
7. What was the best thing you bought? Our new house, followed by the new car
8. Whose behavior deserves merit? Miss Avalon. She's just such a good kid. I've totally lucked out in the kid department.
9. Whose behavior made you appalled and disgusted? My biological parents. They never cease to amaze me.
10. Where did most of your money go? House payment and Target.
11. What did you get really, really excited about? Going on vacation, buying a new house
12. Compared to this time last year are you?
a)happier or sadder? happier
b)fatter or thinner? thinner
c)richer or poorer? richer I guess? I don't feel poor but that doesn't mean we don't have to budget just like every other household.
13. What do you wish you had done more of? Dinner with friends
14. What do you wish you had done less of? Packing! Downside of moving. I feel like I did it for 3 months straight
15. What was your favorite TV program: geesh that's a hard one. Toss up between Criminal Minds and Biggest Loser
16. What did you want and get? A new house! We'd been looking for a couple years
17. What did you not want and not get? Diamond earrings? Did nobody know that I wanted them? Well now you do for 2012.
18, What was your favorite film this year? The Kings Speech.
19. What did you do on your birthday and how old were you? Went to Ciao Mambo for the 29th birthday
20. What kept you sane? Jeff, Avalon and exercise
21. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Really would rather not say, bit embarrassed and ashamed etc. ;)
22. Who was the best new person you met? I met Steph early in the year. I actually maybe have met her in December of 2010 but we didn't actually hang out until 2011
23. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2011. Sometimes what you think you want isn't what you need.
New Year New Goals
So, as we ushered in 2012, I went back to my list of goals(not resolutions) that I had made at the beginning of 2011. And of the 10 major goals I had in mind for myself and my family, I completed 8 of them. Not too shabby, considering they were mainly big life changes.
And while I will never quit setting goals for myself because I think making and reaching goals help me to be my better self, I feel happy(?not quite the word I'm looking for) maybe even satisfied with where my life is and where I'm headed in relationship to those I share my life with.
Yes, I want to continue losing weight this year, I will run a race this year and I already cut the info from the paper to get started with golf lessons. I know that getting a new dog this year is in the cards for our family, we want to take Avalon on another big trip, and we have lots of plans for the house.
But mainly, I am going to be happy this year. I will love where my life is at and what I am doing and slow down and not only stop and smell the roses but enjoy them too. If something doesn't get done or doesn't live up to my expectations, I will realize that there is obviously something more important knocking.
That's not to say I haven't been happy but I feel like I spent most of being 28 chasing something to make myself a better person because I didn't feel like I was living up to certain goals and ideals I had in mind.
When I moved out a long time ago and began living life, I set some major goals for myself. I always had someone telling me what to do and wasn't really allowed to make my own decisions. And since I felt my leaving was an incredible opportunity, I wasn't going to waste it.
I knew I wanted to go to college. I even had plans for going to graduate school. I was going to have a career. I had no attachments and even felt a bit alone in this world so I knew I had to depend on myself. I would do school, establish a career, travel abroad(i do have a Spanish degree afterall). I figured it would take me a solid 10 years to do that. Then perhaps maybe find a spouse, start a family and see if that was what life had in store for me.
I wouldn't say I'm completely unromantic and I think a majority of females have a tendency to create unreal fantasies of love. But I didn't feel that way at all. The only marriage I truly had ever been witness to was my parents. And, from what I saw, it was nothing I wanted to be a part of. I never had fantasies of a wedding, houses with picket fences or even children.
But during my freshman year of college that all changed when I met Jeff. Suddenly I could imagine being married, settling down and eventually children. I had no plans to rush off to another country if it meant Jeff and I had to be apart.
We finished school, got married, Jeff got a job while I finished student teaching, bought a house, and settled down. Jeff's job was awesome for a fresh grad and continues to be a great job. And by that point, we weren't willing to move away from here and his family(not sure he was ever willing, but my plans sure changed after I got to know them).
We decided to have a baby and the rest is history.
So when I hit 28 last year, I felt somewhat unfulfilled. I felt like I left some goals undone and met many earlier that I had planned and didn't go above and beyond. Twenty-eight was the year I had set for my younger self to have conquered the world.
But as the year passed and I turned 29, I realized how foolish that thinking was. I have an incredible life. Sure it didn't turn out the way I had planned, but it turned out the way it needed to. I learned you can't conquer the world in 10 years, it takes a lifetime.
This year, I am working on going with the flow, not sweating the small stuff and enjoying the little things in life that so oftened get lost in the shuffle. So if my living room doesn't get painted in a timely fashion because Avalon and I spent the week at the park because of the nice weather so be it. And while I really am going to try and accomplish my goals, its okay to not always meet them because it means I did something probably equally as important that I hadn't planned on.
Have a fantastic 2012. I know I will!
And while I will never quit setting goals for myself because I think making and reaching goals help me to be my better self, I feel happy(?not quite the word I'm looking for) maybe even satisfied with where my life is and where I'm headed in relationship to those I share my life with.
Yes, I want to continue losing weight this year, I will run a race this year and I already cut the info from the paper to get started with golf lessons. I know that getting a new dog this year is in the cards for our family, we want to take Avalon on another big trip, and we have lots of plans for the house.
But mainly, I am going to be happy this year. I will love where my life is at and what I am doing and slow down and not only stop and smell the roses but enjoy them too. If something doesn't get done or doesn't live up to my expectations, I will realize that there is obviously something more important knocking.
That's not to say I haven't been happy but I feel like I spent most of being 28 chasing something to make myself a better person because I didn't feel like I was living up to certain goals and ideals I had in mind.
When I moved out a long time ago and began living life, I set some major goals for myself. I always had someone telling me what to do and wasn't really allowed to make my own decisions. And since I felt my leaving was an incredible opportunity, I wasn't going to waste it.
I knew I wanted to go to college. I even had plans for going to graduate school. I was going to have a career. I had no attachments and even felt a bit alone in this world so I knew I had to depend on myself. I would do school, establish a career, travel abroad(i do have a Spanish degree afterall). I figured it would take me a solid 10 years to do that. Then perhaps maybe find a spouse, start a family and see if that was what life had in store for me.
I wouldn't say I'm completely unromantic and I think a majority of females have a tendency to create unreal fantasies of love. But I didn't feel that way at all. The only marriage I truly had ever been witness to was my parents. And, from what I saw, it was nothing I wanted to be a part of. I never had fantasies of a wedding, houses with picket fences or even children.
But during my freshman year of college that all changed when I met Jeff. Suddenly I could imagine being married, settling down and eventually children. I had no plans to rush off to another country if it meant Jeff and I had to be apart.
We finished school, got married, Jeff got a job while I finished student teaching, bought a house, and settled down. Jeff's job was awesome for a fresh grad and continues to be a great job. And by that point, we weren't willing to move away from here and his family(not sure he was ever willing, but my plans sure changed after I got to know them).
We decided to have a baby and the rest is history.
So when I hit 28 last year, I felt somewhat unfulfilled. I felt like I left some goals undone and met many earlier that I had planned and didn't go above and beyond. Twenty-eight was the year I had set for my younger self to have conquered the world.
But as the year passed and I turned 29, I realized how foolish that thinking was. I have an incredible life. Sure it didn't turn out the way I had planned, but it turned out the way it needed to. I learned you can't conquer the world in 10 years, it takes a lifetime.
This year, I am working on going with the flow, not sweating the small stuff and enjoying the little things in life that so oftened get lost in the shuffle. So if my living room doesn't get painted in a timely fashion because Avalon and I spent the week at the park because of the nice weather so be it. And while I really am going to try and accomplish my goals, its okay to not always meet them because it means I did something probably equally as important that I hadn't planned on.
Have a fantastic 2012. I know I will!
Thursday, December 8, 2011
10 Years and Counting
Also, a month and counting. Nearly a whole month since I last posted. Sometimes I find myself not posting because I'm not sure who all my readers are and don't want to ruffle feathers. I hate to self censor but sometimes, I feel like I've had enough conflict in my life, I don't need any more.
More often than not though, I am busy. And now that Christmas is upon us, it is even busier. But I'm not complaining, I love Christmas! I will complain about the lack of snow though. December and no real precipitation? Geesh. I have all my Christmas shopping done and almost all of the presents wrapped and under the tree. For me, there is nothing more fun than buying gifts for someone and watching them open it.
Also, posting seems a bit redundant when I post things on Facebook once already. Facebook! It will be the death of all other social platforms!
But this December is also special because it marks 10 years that Jeff and I have been together. We've only been married 7 years but we started dating 10 years ago the first of this month. I had met him for the first time the previous September but by November his group of friends and mine began to hang out more. And by December we agreed to be more exclusive, more or less. (Basically, I think I said, "I'm don't wanna make out with you for fun." and his answer was, "I guess that makes you my girlfriend.") (I wasn't trying to pressure him into anything, I just really didn't want to get my feelings hurt again and I knew by that time, that I really liked him and if he wasn't in the same place, I didn't want to set myself up for heartbreak)
Simple as that. Okay maybe not that simple but pretty much.
It all started with a night sledding with our friends on the hill behind Roskie dorm in Bozeman. I remember sledding face first down the hill over a glass beer bottle and seriously bruising my stomach and upper thighs.
Then an official first date after my work Christmas party to Applebee's and then to see Vanilla Sky which was a horrible movie but I didn't want to tell him but was so relieved when he came out of the theater and said, "That movie sucked."
Another date a few days later, where we went and rented a movie and got ice cream and he got pulled over for having a taillight out.
A Christmas break that lasted forever and we went through about 1000 minutes on phonecards(remember when we still used those things) Then he came up to Great Falls to meet Pat and Joelene. We went to the rodeo.
Then we drove back to Billings and I met his parents. I died my hair back brunette from a wild blond job I had let a friend do. (had to make a good impression) Had dinner at the Granary back when it was still old school. Talk to his Dad at the salad bar about how we were both born in Kansas. Left a CD in his parents car that had very explicit lyrics and was so embarrassed I could've cried.
Hung out every free minute we had the entire second semester.
Both went to our respective homes for the summer. Spent hours on the phone. And hours driving between Great Falls and Billings.
July 4th weekend, he proposed on July 3rd right after I had spun my car out through a ditch by Acton.
And the rest is history.
He is one of the best things to have come into my life. I know I have a lot of baggage. Marriage isn't always easy. We don't always agree or get along. But in the end, I know he has my back, loves me unconditionally(something he had to teach me) and we're partners for everything. Not only is he a great husband, he is an awesome dad. So 10 years down, and to another 10 and another after that and then 10 more and so on.
More often than not though, I am busy. And now that Christmas is upon us, it is even busier. But I'm not complaining, I love Christmas! I will complain about the lack of snow though. December and no real precipitation? Geesh. I have all my Christmas shopping done and almost all of the presents wrapped and under the tree. For me, there is nothing more fun than buying gifts for someone and watching them open it.
Also, posting seems a bit redundant when I post things on Facebook once already. Facebook! It will be the death of all other social platforms!
But this December is also special because it marks 10 years that Jeff and I have been together. We've only been married 7 years but we started dating 10 years ago the first of this month. I had met him for the first time the previous September but by November his group of friends and mine began to hang out more. And by December we agreed to be more exclusive, more or less. (Basically, I think I said, "I'm don't wanna make out with you for fun." and his answer was, "I guess that makes you my girlfriend.") (I wasn't trying to pressure him into anything, I just really didn't want to get my feelings hurt again and I knew by that time, that I really liked him and if he wasn't in the same place, I didn't want to set myself up for heartbreak)
Simple as that. Okay maybe not that simple but pretty much.
It all started with a night sledding with our friends on the hill behind Roskie dorm in Bozeman. I remember sledding face first down the hill over a glass beer bottle and seriously bruising my stomach and upper thighs.
Then an official first date after my work Christmas party to Applebee's and then to see Vanilla Sky which was a horrible movie but I didn't want to tell him but was so relieved when he came out of the theater and said, "That movie sucked."
Another date a few days later, where we went and rented a movie and got ice cream and he got pulled over for having a taillight out.
A Christmas break that lasted forever and we went through about 1000 minutes on phonecards(remember when we still used those things) Then he came up to Great Falls to meet Pat and Joelene. We went to the rodeo.
Then we drove back to Billings and I met his parents. I died my hair back brunette from a wild blond job I had let a friend do. (had to make a good impression) Had dinner at the Granary back when it was still old school. Talk to his Dad at the salad bar about how we were both born in Kansas. Left a CD in his parents car that had very explicit lyrics and was so embarrassed I could've cried.
Hung out every free minute we had the entire second semester.
Both went to our respective homes for the summer. Spent hours on the phone. And hours driving between Great Falls and Billings.
July 4th weekend, he proposed on July 3rd right after I had spun my car out through a ditch by Acton.
And the rest is history.
He is one of the best things to have come into my life. I know I have a lot of baggage. Marriage isn't always easy. We don't always agree or get along. But in the end, I know he has my back, loves me unconditionally(something he had to teach me) and we're partners for everything. Not only is he a great husband, he is an awesome dad. So 10 years down, and to another 10 and another after that and then 10 more and so on.
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
Warning,
If you get a chance, watch the episode of Dr. Phil today about the judge who was seen on You Tube beating his daughter.
The girls mother actually joins in. And sadly, I completely understand her mother. She seemed to me that she wanted to give her daughter her punishment and be done but the father was raging.
She didn't protect her daughter because she was scared of what her husband would do to her. In my opinion, I think she was trying to punish her daughter to appease her husband and then he'd stop. But he didn't.
Don't think I defend her actions because they are indefensible but I understand it. I understand why my mother never protected us. One, she was brainwashed into beleiving what he was doing was right. And the times when she knew he wasn't right, she didn't jump to our defense because then his rage would be turned to her. And sadly, I feel like sometimes, when my dad was angry, it was every man for themself.
I understand being brainwashed and thinking those sort of things are normal. As bad as it sounds, it's true. Until high school, I thought everybody got 'beat.' And even after I moved out, I still thought a lot of what he did was alright. Now, i realize most everything he did, in regards to discipline was wrong.
Two things about the video hit me very hard. One, the father kept saying "Turn Over, Turn OVer or I'll hit your face." My dad used to say that and even go further saying he didn't even care if he broke out all my teeth.
Second, something the mother said just infuriated me. She told her daughter to "turn over and take it like a grown woman." Dammit, a 16 year old girl is not a grown woman. And taking a beating isn't something an adult should be expected to endure.
And regardless of the daughters motives for releasing the video, he was still wrong. YOU DON'T BEAT YOUR KIDS.
And while Jeff and I choose to raise Avalon absent of corporal punishment, I don't know if i think spanking in general is necesarily bad. Spanking is different from beating. That being said, I think Dr Phil has a good point. Spanking is not the way to go. Because when you turn angry a spanking can easily become more.
I don't want to ever put myself in that position. So, not spanking eliminates that. Because, while the pain of spanking is (mostly temporary) there are such lasting effects that I think people like my dad never thought of. I could never forgive myself if Avalon became fearful and distrustful of me. If I lost her trust and respect, my parenting would no longer be effective.
(Please do not take this post as a cry for pity. That is the last thing I need. This subject just had me all riled up and I needed to vent. I am not an expert on parenting but I think I have figured some things out especially in regards to what I don't want to do)
The girls mother actually joins in. And sadly, I completely understand her mother. She seemed to me that she wanted to give her daughter her punishment and be done but the father was raging.
She didn't protect her daughter because she was scared of what her husband would do to her. In my opinion, I think she was trying to punish her daughter to appease her husband and then he'd stop. But he didn't.
Don't think I defend her actions because they are indefensible but I understand it. I understand why my mother never protected us. One, she was brainwashed into beleiving what he was doing was right. And the times when she knew he wasn't right, she didn't jump to our defense because then his rage would be turned to her. And sadly, I feel like sometimes, when my dad was angry, it was every man for themself.
I understand being brainwashed and thinking those sort of things are normal. As bad as it sounds, it's true. Until high school, I thought everybody got 'beat.' And even after I moved out, I still thought a lot of what he did was alright. Now, i realize most everything he did, in regards to discipline was wrong.
Two things about the video hit me very hard. One, the father kept saying "Turn Over, Turn OVer or I'll hit your face." My dad used to say that and even go further saying he didn't even care if he broke out all my teeth.
Second, something the mother said just infuriated me. She told her daughter to "turn over and take it like a grown woman." Dammit, a 16 year old girl is not a grown woman. And taking a beating isn't something an adult should be expected to endure.
And regardless of the daughters motives for releasing the video, he was still wrong. YOU DON'T BEAT YOUR KIDS.
And while Jeff and I choose to raise Avalon absent of corporal punishment, I don't know if i think spanking in general is necesarily bad. Spanking is different from beating. That being said, I think Dr Phil has a good point. Spanking is not the way to go. Because when you turn angry a spanking can easily become more.
I don't want to ever put myself in that position. So, not spanking eliminates that. Because, while the pain of spanking is (mostly temporary) there are such lasting effects that I think people like my dad never thought of. I could never forgive myself if Avalon became fearful and distrustful of me. If I lost her trust and respect, my parenting would no longer be effective.
(Please do not take this post as a cry for pity. That is the last thing I need. This subject just had me all riled up and I needed to vent. I am not an expert on parenting but I think I have figured some things out especially in regards to what I don't want to do)
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
Update
* Holy Crap, fall is flying by. Time flies when you're having fun. Or when you're working on your house.
* Got the new garage doors and openers on Friday. They are so nice! The fact that they open and close is a plus ;) . But they are so quiet and don't shake the house when in use.
* Now that we have a yard with trees, we actually have to rake leaves. Two Sundays ago Jeff and I did the yard, which didn't seem horrible. However, 9 huge yard bags later and the entire dumpster full, we finished. Then the next day it looked like we never had done it.
* So we went out and bought new outdoor lights for the house. The old ones were not our style and dated the house. So now, when we paint the shutters next spring as well as the front door, along with a new kickplate that isn't gold, the outside of the house will be updated(more or less).
*Note i didn't include landscaping. I have some major yard work to do new next spring. But with as much fun as we've been having working on the house, I really am looking forward to it.
Plus I will have an even bigger spot for a garden!
* Jeff and I bought the matching pendant(matches the dining room chandelier) for the front entryway. It's not hung yet because the entry way is a story and a half and Jeff is going to need help and I don't think I'll be able to do it.
* We got a bid for the new railing that is in the split entry. And while we are in Great Falls for Thanksgiving, the railing will be done. Then it's on to paint and floors.
* Looking forward to the Thanksgiving hoopla in Great Falls. We haven't been able to see Pat and Joelene since this summer so it's long over due. Probably will get to see my older brother Joe as well. And since it's been over two years, it is a long overdue visit. Also love reading the ads for Black Friday. And Black Friday in Great Falls doesn't seem as daunting as it does here in Billings.
* Jeff and I have finished almost all of Avalon's Christmas shopping save a couple of smaller things. I just love buying gifts for people.
* We went to Bozeman a couple of weekends ago. It was nice to do something other than work on the house. I got to stop at a quilt shop in Livingston and get a few things with a gift certificate I had gotten for my birthday. I hope to maybe start quiliting more seriously but we'll see how that goes. I also got a pattern and material for a pretty cool handbag. Also got some beginners how-to books on it.
* My weight has been screwy lately. I've been working out harder than ever and even started spinning. But by Monday morning I was up 3 lbs and by this morning I was down 4. A bit frustrating but my whole weight loss adventure has been a rollercoaster so what's new?
*Murphy has been a royal pain in the ass. He has taken to stealing Avalon's food nearly every meal. So then if I put him outside so he can't, he has been barking like crazy. So then I make him come back inside and he steals her food again. He has also been trying to steal food from Jeff and I off the dinner table. His thievery has no bounds. I have to have an eye on him all the time. But I'm about this far away *pinches fingers together* from losing my wits with him lately.
* It is for this precise reason that God made dogs and children so darn cute. Because it is their only redeeming factor when they are being shits. Generally though, Murph is a shit and Avalon is a pretty darn good kid.
* Avalon has recently taken to puzzles and card games. She has always done puzzles but now she is doing the bigger ones that have 24 or 48 pieces and is pretty quick. We also taught her how to play Uno and she caught on quick also. Still working on good sportsmanship. She is actually doing much better in that respect. Although she still wants to win EVERY time. (But who doesn't)
* She has kind of gotten in to this 'scared of everything' phase. If it is remotely unfamiliar or could possible have something scary, she is done with whatever it is. She almost didn't go trick or treating because of it. She doesn't want to Peter and the Wolf at Ballet because the music sounds scar. (She actually started balling at her teacher over it) She wouldn't go down the waterslide at the hotel in Bozeman and wouldn't get on the slack line even if Jeff and I helped her. The line between recognizing her fears and giving into them is a difficult one. She did this once before too when she was two'ish. Hoping this will pass.
* I've got a few recipes to share: cheddar siracha bread and homemade apple sauce. One of these days I'll get around to posting. But lately by the end of the day I am tired. I've even been going to bed early. Me? Going to bed early? I know, strange.
Alright, later gators.
* Got the new garage doors and openers on Friday. They are so nice! The fact that they open and close is a plus ;) . But they are so quiet and don't shake the house when in use.
* Now that we have a yard with trees, we actually have to rake leaves. Two Sundays ago Jeff and I did the yard, which didn't seem horrible. However, 9 huge yard bags later and the entire dumpster full, we finished. Then the next day it looked like we never had done it.
* So we went out and bought new outdoor lights for the house. The old ones were not our style and dated the house. So now, when we paint the shutters next spring as well as the front door, along with a new kickplate that isn't gold, the outside of the house will be updated(more or less).
*Note i didn't include landscaping. I have some major yard work to do new next spring. But with as much fun as we've been having working on the house, I really am looking forward to it.
Plus I will have an even bigger spot for a garden!
* Jeff and I bought the matching pendant(matches the dining room chandelier) for the front entryway. It's not hung yet because the entry way is a story and a half and Jeff is going to need help and I don't think I'll be able to do it.
* We got a bid for the new railing that is in the split entry. And while we are in Great Falls for Thanksgiving, the railing will be done. Then it's on to paint and floors.
* Looking forward to the Thanksgiving hoopla in Great Falls. We haven't been able to see Pat and Joelene since this summer so it's long over due. Probably will get to see my older brother Joe as well. And since it's been over two years, it is a long overdue visit. Also love reading the ads for Black Friday. And Black Friday in Great Falls doesn't seem as daunting as it does here in Billings.
* Jeff and I have finished almost all of Avalon's Christmas shopping save a couple of smaller things. I just love buying gifts for people.
* We went to Bozeman a couple of weekends ago. It was nice to do something other than work on the house. I got to stop at a quilt shop in Livingston and get a few things with a gift certificate I had gotten for my birthday. I hope to maybe start quiliting more seriously but we'll see how that goes. I also got a pattern and material for a pretty cool handbag. Also got some beginners how-to books on it.
* My weight has been screwy lately. I've been working out harder than ever and even started spinning. But by Monday morning I was up 3 lbs and by this morning I was down 4. A bit frustrating but my whole weight loss adventure has been a rollercoaster so what's new?
*Murphy has been a royal pain in the ass. He has taken to stealing Avalon's food nearly every meal. So then if I put him outside so he can't, he has been barking like crazy. So then I make him come back inside and he steals her food again. He has also been trying to steal food from Jeff and I off the dinner table. His thievery has no bounds. I have to have an eye on him all the time. But I'm about this far away *pinches fingers together* from losing my wits with him lately.
* It is for this precise reason that God made dogs and children so darn cute. Because it is their only redeeming factor when they are being shits. Generally though, Murph is a shit and Avalon is a pretty darn good kid.
* Avalon has recently taken to puzzles and card games. She has always done puzzles but now she is doing the bigger ones that have 24 or 48 pieces and is pretty quick. We also taught her how to play Uno and she caught on quick also. Still working on good sportsmanship. She is actually doing much better in that respect. Although she still wants to win EVERY time. (But who doesn't)
* She has kind of gotten in to this 'scared of everything' phase. If it is remotely unfamiliar or could possible have something scary, she is done with whatever it is. She almost didn't go trick or treating because of it. She doesn't want to Peter and the Wolf at Ballet because the music sounds scar. (She actually started balling at her teacher over it) She wouldn't go down the waterslide at the hotel in Bozeman and wouldn't get on the slack line even if Jeff and I helped her. The line between recognizing her fears and giving into them is a difficult one. She did this once before too when she was two'ish. Hoping this will pass.
* I've got a few recipes to share: cheddar siracha bread and homemade apple sauce. One of these days I'll get around to posting. But lately by the end of the day I am tired. I've even been going to bed early. Me? Going to bed early? I know, strange.
Alright, later gators.
Friday, October 28, 2011
10/28/11
1. I am exhausted, I hope I make sense.
2. I finished emptying the storage unit we rented when we listed our house. It doesn't make sense to pay for that space when I have the space here. But man, that is a lot of work especially when you do it all by yourself.
3. Have I mentioned I love Fridays. Yes, I love it for all the same reasons everyone else does. But I also love it because People Magazine publish their 10 Celebrity Quotes of the Week. It makes me smile. (It is the small things).
4. Favorite quote this week via my sister-in-law Kate: You know you're getting old when you're friends start having kids on purpose. So true!
5. I am excited to weigh tomorrow. Pretty sure I'll be at least another pound down. And I will not let some people rain on my parade. It has taken me 2 years to lose 52 lbs. It has been a lot of hard work and persaverance. So yeah, I'm gonna brag.
6. Tried spinning out for the first time this week. Love it! Makes an hour go by so fast! And then I do abs afterwards with the same instructor. Maybe it's the instructor. hmm. It has been a good challenging workout. Probably also why I am tired.
7. Hit 270 minutes of exercise this week. Beats the minimum of 250 minutes I have set for myself but doesn't reach the goal of 300. I guess I could count the walk I took Murph on but it doesn't feel much like exercise when I have to go the speed of my fellow walker, Avalon.
8. Got carpet in Avalon's room and the toy room. The toys are all in one space. Amen.
9. Gonna be kinda sad when the World Series is over. I love baseball.
10. Bought more Halloween Candy than I ever have. Apparently the new neighborhood has a lot more trick or treaters. Bought Heath Bars because if we ended up having leftovers, Jeff loves Heath Bars. But apparently so do I. Their may be none left by Halloween.
11. Went to Bozeman last weekend. I love that town. So much to do, so many cool stores and shops.
12. My dog has been a complete turd lately. He is barking at everything. And into everything. The other day I caught him eating a crayon.
13. Loving that Christmas stuff is out already. I love Christmas!
14. We are trying to cram everything we can into this weekend so I better go get ready.
2. I finished emptying the storage unit we rented when we listed our house. It doesn't make sense to pay for that space when I have the space here. But man, that is a lot of work especially when you do it all by yourself.
3. Have I mentioned I love Fridays. Yes, I love it for all the same reasons everyone else does. But I also love it because People Magazine publish their 10 Celebrity Quotes of the Week. It makes me smile. (It is the small things).
4. Favorite quote this week via my sister-in-law Kate: You know you're getting old when you're friends start having kids on purpose. So true!
5. I am excited to weigh tomorrow. Pretty sure I'll be at least another pound down. And I will not let some people rain on my parade. It has taken me 2 years to lose 52 lbs. It has been a lot of hard work and persaverance. So yeah, I'm gonna brag.
6. Tried spinning out for the first time this week. Love it! Makes an hour go by so fast! And then I do abs afterwards with the same instructor. Maybe it's the instructor. hmm. It has been a good challenging workout. Probably also why I am tired.
7. Hit 270 minutes of exercise this week. Beats the minimum of 250 minutes I have set for myself but doesn't reach the goal of 300. I guess I could count the walk I took Murph on but it doesn't feel much like exercise when I have to go the speed of my fellow walker, Avalon.
8. Got carpet in Avalon's room and the toy room. The toys are all in one space. Amen.
9. Gonna be kinda sad when the World Series is over. I love baseball.
10. Bought more Halloween Candy than I ever have. Apparently the new neighborhood has a lot more trick or treaters. Bought Heath Bars because if we ended up having leftovers, Jeff loves Heath Bars. But apparently so do I. Their may be none left by Halloween.
11. Went to Bozeman last weekend. I love that town. So much to do, so many cool stores and shops.
12. My dog has been a complete turd lately. He is barking at everything. And into everything. The other day I caught him eating a crayon.
13. Loving that Christmas stuff is out already. I love Christmas!
14. We are trying to cram everything we can into this weekend so I better go get ready.
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
Who knew you could be so busy and not even have a paying job?
Pretty much the last 3 weeks have been a blur. It seems my life consists of taking Avalon to preschool, ballet, playdates and running errand after errand. Don't get me wrong, I'm not comnplaining and if I weren't busy I would be bored. But man am I tired.
Lowes and Bed Bath and Beyond ought to be happy as they have seen the majority of my funds of late. But it is so stinking fun to decorate and redo things. It just wasn't cost effective to do a lot in our old house because we would've never gotten our money back out. But now, it's full speed ahead. We have the spare room upstairs painted and some wall hangings up and carpet goes in that room as well as Avalon's on Tuesday. And then I can put the toy room together and get Avalon's toys out of every room in this house.
Seriously, we have toys everywhere. Things in the living room are going slower than I want. We have to put in a new railing before we do floors. Kinda waiting on that before I paint and then we'll do floors. This white carpet is driving me bonkers. You simply can't have kids and white carpet. They just don't go together!
But we have gotten so much done. Four new light fixtures, new thermostat, paint and decor and in two rooms, new island stools, tremendous tree trimming to the back yard, half the storage unit cleared out, carpet(tuesday), two new garage doors and openers ordered and to be installed when they get in. So we've accomplished quite a bit. I think after the living area, we'll take a bit of break before starting the master and the main bathroom.
So, that has taken up most of our time. So this weekend we are going to head to Bozeman and just shop and have fun and take a break. We are going to stop in Livingston on the way through and go to a quilt store.(I've got a gift certificate for it).
Since moving here, Avalon has slept like a champ. She hasn't got up once in the middle of the night. She tells Jeff or I nearly every day how much she loves this house. She loves the neighbor girl and our big yard and the wishing well the previous owner left in the back yard. (Any chance I had to get rid of it went right out the window when Grandpa left prizes in it and now she believes it to be a magical wishing well) I'm hoping a large snow takes it out this winter and I don't have to be the bad guy..
I can't believe its practically holiday season! I am so excited for my holiday baking. Nerdy but true, whenever chocolate chips, flour, sugar etc is on sale, I go load up. Pretty soon, I'll be making my list of things to make. And if you'd like a "Christmas Card" from me, you'd best leave me your address. And as some of you are aware, a Christmas Card from me, means you get a box of baked goods.
Alright, I'm tired, peace out!
Lowes and Bed Bath and Beyond ought to be happy as they have seen the majority of my funds of late. But it is so stinking fun to decorate and redo things. It just wasn't cost effective to do a lot in our old house because we would've never gotten our money back out. But now, it's full speed ahead. We have the spare room upstairs painted and some wall hangings up and carpet goes in that room as well as Avalon's on Tuesday. And then I can put the toy room together and get Avalon's toys out of every room in this house.
Seriously, we have toys everywhere. Things in the living room are going slower than I want. We have to put in a new railing before we do floors. Kinda waiting on that before I paint and then we'll do floors. This white carpet is driving me bonkers. You simply can't have kids and white carpet. They just don't go together!
But we have gotten so much done. Four new light fixtures, new thermostat, paint and decor and in two rooms, new island stools, tremendous tree trimming to the back yard, half the storage unit cleared out, carpet(tuesday), two new garage doors and openers ordered and to be installed when they get in. So we've accomplished quite a bit. I think after the living area, we'll take a bit of break before starting the master and the main bathroom.
So, that has taken up most of our time. So this weekend we are going to head to Bozeman and just shop and have fun and take a break. We are going to stop in Livingston on the way through and go to a quilt store.(I've got a gift certificate for it).
Since moving here, Avalon has slept like a champ. She hasn't got up once in the middle of the night. She tells Jeff or I nearly every day how much she loves this house. She loves the neighbor girl and our big yard and the wishing well the previous owner left in the back yard. (Any chance I had to get rid of it went right out the window when Grandpa left prizes in it and now she believes it to be a magical wishing well) I'm hoping a large snow takes it out this winter and I don't have to be the bad guy..
I can't believe its practically holiday season! I am so excited for my holiday baking. Nerdy but true, whenever chocolate chips, flour, sugar etc is on sale, I go load up. Pretty soon, I'll be making my list of things to make. And if you'd like a "Christmas Card" from me, you'd best leave me your address. And as some of you are aware, a Christmas Card from me, means you get a box of baked goods.
Alright, I'm tired, peace out!
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
The Funny Thing Avalon Said and Why I Didn't Share It on Facebook
So...Jeff and I haven't chosen, at this point, to raise Avalon with a specific faith or religion. While I think at some point, I would want her to have a more christian viewpoint, I haven't placed any emphasis on it. I was raised in a very religious family who used religion as a weapon. Being Catholic and going to church every week does not a good person make. Just look at my dad.
We have been pushed by some to get Avalon to church and to Sunday School. And since I haven't made my mind up about what I want her to know and how I want her to know it, I have chosen to not introduce it to her yet. For now, Jeff and I would prefer that she come into faith more organically or on her own. (And frankly I can be very jaded on some things and I don't want her to be jaded on things)
And while the following story is ultimatly funny, I didn't want to ignite a fire on Facebook about how I should or shouldn't be teaching Avalon about relgion, faith or spirituality. Really, it is up to Jeff and I to decide how to raise her on this aspect.
Anyway, to preface this story, whenever we go to Grandma Joelene and Grandpa Pat's house in Great Falls, we always eat dinner in the dining room(that has a chandelier) and they say grace. And we always observe grace as well. It is their house and when in Rome...
So since we moved into our new house, and have a dining room with a chandelier, Avalon always says, "This is just like Grandma Joelene's House."
Then last week, she folded her hands and said, "We should do this" holding her hands up to indicate she wanted to say grace. So, I said, "God is great, God is good, Thank you God for this food." (Funny, she never asks me what God is)
This went on for a week, when last night she said, "I want to say it this time."
"Alright, go right ahead."
She folds her hands, looks at us to fold her hands and says,
God is great,
Beer is good,
Thank you for this food.
Jeff nods, "Sounds about right to me. Let's eat."
We have been pushed by some to get Avalon to church and to Sunday School. And since I haven't made my mind up about what I want her to know and how I want her to know it, I have chosen to not introduce it to her yet. For now, Jeff and I would prefer that she come into faith more organically or on her own. (And frankly I can be very jaded on some things and I don't want her to be jaded on things)
And while the following story is ultimatly funny, I didn't want to ignite a fire on Facebook about how I should or shouldn't be teaching Avalon about relgion, faith or spirituality. Really, it is up to Jeff and I to decide how to raise her on this aspect.
Anyway, to preface this story, whenever we go to Grandma Joelene and Grandpa Pat's house in Great Falls, we always eat dinner in the dining room(that has a chandelier) and they say grace. And we always observe grace as well. It is their house and when in Rome...
So since we moved into our new house, and have a dining room with a chandelier, Avalon always says, "This is just like Grandma Joelene's House."
Then last week, she folded her hands and said, "We should do this" holding her hands up to indicate she wanted to say grace. So, I said, "God is great, God is good, Thank you God for this food." (Funny, she never asks me what God is)
This went on for a week, when last night she said, "I want to say it this time."
"Alright, go right ahead."
She folds her hands, looks at us to fold her hands and says,
God is great,
Beer is good,
Thank you for this food.
Jeff nods, "Sounds about right to me. Let's eat."
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Let's Check On How I'm doing
So at the beginning of the year, I had written a list of goals I wanted to accomplish by the end of the year. And since getting into our new house, I've crossed one more off the list.
1. Start a new blog and try to update at least twice a week. Yes I'm a stay at home mom but I am busier than I ever was at a job.
So yeah, I think I can claim success with this one. So maybe I don't update twice a week but I have been BUSY. Any of you who have bought a house know this.
2. Start food blogging. I need an outlet for for all the baking and cooking I do. And I pledge to include pictures, so help me god. Who knows, I may even send you some. And those of you who got my "Christmas Cards" know I'm not even kidding.
I started off strong but have backed off in the last few months. Again, I was busy buying and selling a house. But at my old house(that didn't have central air) it was too hot to bake in the middle of summer. But that shouldn't be an issue now. Central air and a much larger kitchen will help make that better. I just have to figure out this new oven.
3. I have golf clubs in my garage that my "honorary" mom(that's what we call each other) loaned me. This is the year I will take lessons. I love golf. I love to watch it. I love the players. I love the game. It's especially fun on the Playstation and the Wii. Also Jeff knows how and if I learned, maybe we could introduce it to Avalon and play as a family. And then Jeff and I would have a hobby together, because my attempts to woo him into baking and his attempts to woo me to motorcyle repair just aren't working. Maybe we'll start fresh.
So I didn't get to this one. I probably should've been a little more proactive this spring and early summer but I wasn't and then I ran out of time. Rest assured, it will be on my list for next year.
4. Buy a new house. Yes this will involve Jeff as well but this is the year I put my foot down/quit quibbling and not making up my mind. Avalon will not go to school in this neighborhood. And, damn, I want a freaking kitchen bigger than my bathroom.
WOOHOO! We did it! We nearly doubled our square footage, Avalon will go to a much better school and we are in a house that can be a forever house. I am so excited to start fixing it up. We get to make this house exactly how I want it. I know the work would scare a lot of people but it's mostly cosmetic and besides the floors Jeff and i can do most of it ourselves. I've got a larger kitchen and a dining space!
5. Introduce Avalon to new hobbies and crafts. I know she needs to be in dance. I know once she is used to the routine, the teacher, the other kids, it'll be okay. But that adjustment time can be a rough period, probably rougher on me. But she can be painfully shy in public and seems to have a bit of anxiety. (wonder where she gets that) She is proving to be very artistic and musical. So I want to take her to a local pottery place where you can buy a piece of pottery and paint it, they fire it and we get it back. (http://www.ingoodglazes.com/) And start doing even more crafts that extend beyong the paint, playdoh and cutting and glue. I think in addition to dance she would really profit from some sort of music class. The girl has rhythm and is singing constantly especially to Classical Music. Mostly I need to get my butt in gear and if I am positive about it so she will be as well.
Check and check. This summer I had her back in Rock, Tumble, and Roll and Art class. We went and did pottery a couple times and plan on making that something we do ever so often. It really is fun! And we started her in ballet this fall. She really seems to like it so far and unlike some classes offered at the Y, this is the real deal.
6. We will go on a big vacation this year. Big as in get on a plane go somewhere and stay for 5 days. None of the quick weekends to Chico(although they are super fun) Jeff and I have pledged to set aside the time and money and make it happen. Maybe the Oregon Coast again or Disneyland, maybe even Hawaii.
We did it. We spent a week at the Oregon coast and infected Avalon with the travel bug. She has since asked to go back to Oregon, go back to the ocean, go to Hawaii and go to Disneyland (and space). We had to cancel our small trip to Yellowstone because we sold our house so quickly but hopefully will get to Chico this fall.
7. Continue on my weight loss journey. I've lost 33 lbs give or take a couple pounds. They have been hard earned as my metabolism is not too agreeable. But I've got a couple great doctors on my side and beleive it or not, I crave exercise so that helps.
Just had a check up today and I'm down 50 lbs. It's still slow and steady but I'm losing and that's all that matters. The summer was rough in respect to going to the gym but now Avalon is back in preschool three days a week and ballet the other two so I hopefully can reach my goal of gettting 300 minutes a week.
8. I have started running but i still at my weight can be painful but as competitive as I am with myself, I would love to start racing albeit short races for now. At least one 5k by the end of the year. But hopefully another 20 pounds will help.
I have had oppurtunity after oppurtunity to do this but I have had some other reason. I am actually building quite the stamina and run intervals all the time(seems to melt the lbs away). There is one more oppurtunity coming up but its far away and kinda takes my entire Saturday. So we'll see.
9. After watching Avalon fish this summer with her Grandpa Pat and Uncle Adam and seeing how much fun it was for her and bringing me back to my times as a kid fishing with my brother, I really want to get my license and take her fishing. Catch and release though. I like my fish already butchered(I can't believe I used to do that, yuck!).
So sort of a half check on this one. Jeff got his license and took Avalon fishing when we were in Seeley. She got 20 some fish so not a complete failure.
10. Most importantly, I want to remember to not sweat the small stuff, remember that true family trumps all else and that peace only comes from within. I've got one pretty great hubby, the most awesome munckin and a damn good life. I just need to remember that and I'm golden.
I think I'm getting pretty good at this. This year isn't even close to over and I am rocking at life.
Now, I've gotta get rested up. I gotta house that needs painting. But first I've got to get that wallpaper down. And the light fixtures... But this is the fun part right? Right.
1. Start a new blog and try to update at least twice a week. Yes I'm a stay at home mom but I am busier than I ever was at a job.
So yeah, I think I can claim success with this one. So maybe I don't update twice a week but I have been BUSY. Any of you who have bought a house know this.
2. Start food blogging. I need an outlet for for all the baking and cooking I do. And I pledge to include pictures, so help me god. Who knows, I may even send you some. And those of you who got my "Christmas Cards" know I'm not even kidding.
I started off strong but have backed off in the last few months. Again, I was busy buying and selling a house. But at my old house(that didn't have central air) it was too hot to bake in the middle of summer. But that shouldn't be an issue now. Central air and a much larger kitchen will help make that better. I just have to figure out this new oven.
3. I have golf clubs in my garage that my "honorary" mom(that's what we call each other) loaned me. This is the year I will take lessons. I love golf. I love to watch it. I love the players. I love the game. It's especially fun on the Playstation and the Wii. Also Jeff knows how and if I learned, maybe we could introduce it to Avalon and play as a family. And then Jeff and I would have a hobby together, because my attempts to woo him into baking and his attempts to woo me to motorcyle repair just aren't working. Maybe we'll start fresh.
So I didn't get to this one. I probably should've been a little more proactive this spring and early summer but I wasn't and then I ran out of time. Rest assured, it will be on my list for next year.
4. Buy a new house. Yes this will involve Jeff as well but this is the year I put my foot down/quit quibbling and not making up my mind. Avalon will not go to school in this neighborhood. And, damn, I want a freaking kitchen bigger than my bathroom.
WOOHOO! We did it! We nearly doubled our square footage, Avalon will go to a much better school and we are in a house that can be a forever house. I am so excited to start fixing it up. We get to make this house exactly how I want it. I know the work would scare a lot of people but it's mostly cosmetic and besides the floors Jeff and i can do most of it ourselves. I've got a larger kitchen and a dining space!
5. Introduce Avalon to new hobbies and crafts. I know she needs to be in dance. I know once she is used to the routine, the teacher, the other kids, it'll be okay. But that adjustment time can be a rough period, probably rougher on me. But she can be painfully shy in public and seems to have a bit of anxiety. (wonder where she gets that) She is proving to be very artistic and musical. So I want to take her to a local pottery place where you can buy a piece of pottery and paint it, they fire it and we get it back. (http://www.ingoodglazes.com/) And start doing even more crafts that extend beyong the paint, playdoh and cutting and glue. I think in addition to dance she would really profit from some sort of music class. The girl has rhythm and is singing constantly especially to Classical Music. Mostly I need to get my butt in gear and if I am positive about it so she will be as well.
Check and check. This summer I had her back in Rock, Tumble, and Roll and Art class. We went and did pottery a couple times and plan on making that something we do ever so often. It really is fun! And we started her in ballet this fall. She really seems to like it so far and unlike some classes offered at the Y, this is the real deal.
6. We will go on a big vacation this year. Big as in get on a plane go somewhere and stay for 5 days. None of the quick weekends to Chico(although they are super fun) Jeff and I have pledged to set aside the time and money and make it happen. Maybe the Oregon Coast again or Disneyland, maybe even Hawaii.
We did it. We spent a week at the Oregon coast and infected Avalon with the travel bug. She has since asked to go back to Oregon, go back to the ocean, go to Hawaii and go to Disneyland (and space). We had to cancel our small trip to Yellowstone because we sold our house so quickly but hopefully will get to Chico this fall.
7. Continue on my weight loss journey. I've lost 33 lbs give or take a couple pounds. They have been hard earned as my metabolism is not too agreeable. But I've got a couple great doctors on my side and beleive it or not, I crave exercise so that helps.
Just had a check up today and I'm down 50 lbs. It's still slow and steady but I'm losing and that's all that matters. The summer was rough in respect to going to the gym but now Avalon is back in preschool three days a week and ballet the other two so I hopefully can reach my goal of gettting 300 minutes a week.
8. I have started running but i still at my weight can be painful but as competitive as I am with myself, I would love to start racing albeit short races for now. At least one 5k by the end of the year. But hopefully another 20 pounds will help.
I have had oppurtunity after oppurtunity to do this but I have had some other reason. I am actually building quite the stamina and run intervals all the time(seems to melt the lbs away). There is one more oppurtunity coming up but its far away and kinda takes my entire Saturday. So we'll see.
9. After watching Avalon fish this summer with her Grandpa Pat and Uncle Adam and seeing how much fun it was for her and bringing me back to my times as a kid fishing with my brother, I really want to get my license and take her fishing. Catch and release though. I like my fish already butchered(I can't believe I used to do that, yuck!).
So sort of a half check on this one. Jeff got his license and took Avalon fishing when we were in Seeley. She got 20 some fish so not a complete failure.
10. Most importantly, I want to remember to not sweat the small stuff, remember that true family trumps all else and that peace only comes from within. I've got one pretty great hubby, the most awesome munckin and a damn good life. I just need to remember that and I'm golden.
I think I'm getting pretty good at this. This year isn't even close to over and I am rocking at life.
Now, I've gotta get rested up. I gotta house that needs painting. But first I've got to get that wallpaper down. And the light fixtures... But this is the fun part right? Right.
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
The good, the bad, and the ugly.
THE GOOD
Jeff and I killed it this morning. Over the course of the last few weeks, I had managed to get most of our house boxed up and in the garage and the last few days Jeff helped me get all the big stuff into the garage.
After we dropped Avalon off at preschool, we got our uhaul at 9 and went home. In an hour and 15 minutes we had loaded 3/4 of what was in the garage and by the time I had to pick up Avalon at 1130 we had unloaded all but two work benches into the new garage.
Then when we came home, and after dealing with "the bad", we spent the afternoon cleaning and packing etc. Then Jeff's dad came at 3, and filled up the uhaul, my car and the Old Man's truck. We got it all unloaded by 530.
Jeff's sister Katy took Avalon for the evening for "a date with my best friend" as Avalon called it all day. Since we had gotten more done that we expected and were completely exhausted. (The words, "I haven't pushed this hard since I was in labor" may have been uttered pushing a piano into the house) Jeff and I cleaned up and went to dinner ourselves. We hope to be completely out by tomorrow at noon.
THE BAD
So I get a call today from our realtor that the gal buying our house will do her walkthrough tomorrow at noon. No biggie, this is typical. She also says that in order for our buyer to get her funds, the City of Billings has to come do an inspection. Our realtor says that she has never seen this but figures it is probably just a formality.
No it wasn't. There were three issues with our house that the lady with the City of Billings(who wouldn't even acknowledge us, beyatch) Two of the issues, she wasn't going to cite but the third one had to be fixed and reinspected in order for closing on Friday morning to occur.
Her regulations stipulated that each bedroom(4) had to have a smoke alarm and there had to be one in each hallway(2). Easy enough, go buy 6 smoke alarms right? No, wrong. The smoke alarms had to communicate with one another so that if one upstairs went off, it triggered the alarms in the basement as well. Basically if one goes off they must all go off. I had never heard of this anywhere and neither had our realtor. So, we drop what we are doing.(No wait, we dropped what we were doing so they could do the inspection) and head to Lowes to see if there were options that didn't include hiring some company to wire our house to do this. Low and behold they do make something. There is a brand that makes Wireless Smoke Alarms. And luckily there are only 6 left. But unlike a typical smoke alara which cost $5-10 these are triple the price. So $200 later we have this stipulation corrected.
Frankly, I am tired of spending money on a house that I am not going to live in anymore.(I feel like I've spent more money on this house in the last3 weeks than I have in the last year) Two, why couldn't this lady have made this inspection a week ago. Why wait until two days before closing, interrupting our whole process. She also says that she has to come back to inspect to make sure we did it. That means she has to come tomorrow or we don't close. And then our realtor tried to get a hold of her all afternoon and she never answered and wouldn't return her calls. Douche Bag!
and lastly
THE UGLY.
So, since we got way more done than we had planned and Katy had already planned on taking Avalon for us, we went out to dinner. And since it was a long ass day, I endulged in a margarita at Texas Roadhouse. (I also ate bad choices but there were SO good.) Anyway, I am halfway through my marg and I am feeling it. And I don't mean buzzed. I am drunk. Half a margarita and I am trying not to slur my words and sit up straight. CHEAP DATE, that's what I am.
I don't drink often or very much. (Too many calories, I like to eat my calories not drink them.) And judging by this evening, I am a lightweight.
Jeff and I killed it this morning. Over the course of the last few weeks, I had managed to get most of our house boxed up and in the garage and the last few days Jeff helped me get all the big stuff into the garage.
After we dropped Avalon off at preschool, we got our uhaul at 9 and went home. In an hour and 15 minutes we had loaded 3/4 of what was in the garage and by the time I had to pick up Avalon at 1130 we had unloaded all but two work benches into the new garage.
Then when we came home, and after dealing with "the bad", we spent the afternoon cleaning and packing etc. Then Jeff's dad came at 3, and filled up the uhaul, my car and the Old Man's truck. We got it all unloaded by 530.
Jeff's sister Katy took Avalon for the evening for "a date with my best friend" as Avalon called it all day. Since we had gotten more done that we expected and were completely exhausted. (The words, "I haven't pushed this hard since I was in labor" may have been uttered pushing a piano into the house) Jeff and I cleaned up and went to dinner ourselves. We hope to be completely out by tomorrow at noon.
THE BAD
So I get a call today from our realtor that the gal buying our house will do her walkthrough tomorrow at noon. No biggie, this is typical. She also says that in order for our buyer to get her funds, the City of Billings has to come do an inspection. Our realtor says that she has never seen this but figures it is probably just a formality.
No it wasn't. There were three issues with our house that the lady with the City of Billings(who wouldn't even acknowledge us, beyatch) Two of the issues, she wasn't going to cite but the third one had to be fixed and reinspected in order for closing on Friday morning to occur.
Her regulations stipulated that each bedroom(4) had to have a smoke alarm and there had to be one in each hallway(2). Easy enough, go buy 6 smoke alarms right? No, wrong. The smoke alarms had to communicate with one another so that if one upstairs went off, it triggered the alarms in the basement as well. Basically if one goes off they must all go off. I had never heard of this anywhere and neither had our realtor. So, we drop what we are doing.(No wait, we dropped what we were doing so they could do the inspection) and head to Lowes to see if there were options that didn't include hiring some company to wire our house to do this. Low and behold they do make something. There is a brand that makes Wireless Smoke Alarms. And luckily there are only 6 left. But unlike a typical smoke alara which cost $5-10 these are triple the price. So $200 later we have this stipulation corrected.
Frankly, I am tired of spending money on a house that I am not going to live in anymore.(I feel like I've spent more money on this house in the last3 weeks than I have in the last year) Two, why couldn't this lady have made this inspection a week ago. Why wait until two days before closing, interrupting our whole process. She also says that she has to come back to inspect to make sure we did it. That means she has to come tomorrow or we don't close. And then our realtor tried to get a hold of her all afternoon and she never answered and wouldn't return her calls. Douche Bag!
and lastly
THE UGLY.
So, since we got way more done than we had planned and Katy had already planned on taking Avalon for us, we went out to dinner. And since it was a long ass day, I endulged in a margarita at Texas Roadhouse. (I also ate bad choices but there were SO good.) Anyway, I am halfway through my marg and I am feeling it. And I don't mean buzzed. I am drunk. Half a margarita and I am trying not to slur my words and sit up straight. CHEAP DATE, that's what I am.
I don't drink often or very much. (Too many calories, I like to eat my calories not drink them.) And judging by this evening, I am a lightweight.
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
3 days and counting
Only three days until the big move. I cannot wait to be moved for Avalon's sake. Her anxiety is through the roof manifesting itself with sobbing and wailing and being sick. Yesterday she kept telling me she was sick and had a sore throat and bad tummy. But when we went to Grandma's house, she was mysteriously fine and played like crazy. Then we come home, and she's sick again. Poor kid.
My "long lost brother" has recently come into my life. Okay so he isn't long lost, I've known where he was. But we stopped communicating about a year and a half ago. He landed himself in prison. We were communicating by letter and I visited him once. But everything that I wrote or said to him ended up coming back to my via my dad using what I wrote and said as ammo against me. (My dad took on Joe as his mission to save him, Joe hadn't talked to my parents nearly as long as I have until that point) I asked Joe if he could please keep our conversations between us. I have to protect my family and those we love from my dad's antics which can be very disruptive.
Well he couldn't and so I backed off and quit communicating with him(which my dad then used as evidence of me abandoning joe, although before he said I was enabling him.) I will do whatever I have to do to keep my dad and his manipulative angry ways away from Jeff and especially Avalon. And if that means I have to give up other relationships I will. If you make me choose, I choose Jeff and Avalon.
Anyway after getting out of prison and living in a halfway house, Joe who had become close to my dad, mom and sister ended up living in an apartment my dad has. I've known all along that shit would eventually go done and things would go south. I just didn't know when.
Well about 2 weeks ago, just that happened. My dad intercepted Joes mail and read his bank statements and thought he was misspending his money. He also told Joe's parole officer that he must be doing drugs etc and created a bit of a mess for Joe. Joe has sinced moved into a new apartment.
Well when this all happened, Joe called me and the first words out of him mouth were, "Our Dad is something else."
I just said, "Well I knew you'd come around eventually." My dad will never change. He may seem to for a while but he always resorts to the same old shit.
So while I am glad that Joe and I can rebuild our relationship I am very cautious. I got burned bad this last time around and I can't be too careful especially when it comes to my family.
Sometimes, I am just done with all the drama.
My "long lost brother" has recently come into my life. Okay so he isn't long lost, I've known where he was. But we stopped communicating about a year and a half ago. He landed himself in prison. We were communicating by letter and I visited him once. But everything that I wrote or said to him ended up coming back to my via my dad using what I wrote and said as ammo against me. (My dad took on Joe as his mission to save him, Joe hadn't talked to my parents nearly as long as I have until that point) I asked Joe if he could please keep our conversations between us. I have to protect my family and those we love from my dad's antics which can be very disruptive.
Well he couldn't and so I backed off and quit communicating with him(which my dad then used as evidence of me abandoning joe, although before he said I was enabling him.) I will do whatever I have to do to keep my dad and his manipulative angry ways away from Jeff and especially Avalon. And if that means I have to give up other relationships I will. If you make me choose, I choose Jeff and Avalon.
Anyway after getting out of prison and living in a halfway house, Joe who had become close to my dad, mom and sister ended up living in an apartment my dad has. I've known all along that shit would eventually go done and things would go south. I just didn't know when.
Well about 2 weeks ago, just that happened. My dad intercepted Joes mail and read his bank statements and thought he was misspending his money. He also told Joe's parole officer that he must be doing drugs etc and created a bit of a mess for Joe. Joe has sinced moved into a new apartment.
Well when this all happened, Joe called me and the first words out of him mouth were, "Our Dad is something else."
I just said, "Well I knew you'd come around eventually." My dad will never change. He may seem to for a while but he always resorts to the same old shit.
So while I am glad that Joe and I can rebuild our relationship I am very cautious. I got burned bad this last time around and I can't be too careful especially when it comes to my family.
Sometimes, I am just done with all the drama.
Sunday, September 11, 2011
Funny dog
Last night Murph was laying between Jeff and I with his but right up by our faces.
Jeff says, "You need to move him."
"All winter long you want him to sleep up between us and now that he is you want to boot him?" I asked.
"Pretty Much. It's summer and it's too hot."
"Well," I suggest, "You better move him."
"You know if I try to move him that he'll growl and snap at me."(Only time Murph gets pissed off).
"Well you want him to move, so you move him."
"Really??" Jeff asks. "You're gonna make me move him."
"Yep." Just taunting him to get his goat.
"Oh come on, just move him."
"Fine," I give in with Jeff expecting me to push his butt down our shiny comforter.(Because he never barks at me even if I move him.) I am the alpha to him although he thinks he outranks Jeff and Avalon.
Instead of physically moving Murph, I say, "Okay Murph, time to go to bed." With that he gets up and walks to the foot of the bed and lays back down to go to sleep.
Jeff goes to bed just shaking his head.
Jeff says, "You need to move him."
"All winter long you want him to sleep up between us and now that he is you want to boot him?" I asked.
"Pretty Much. It's summer and it's too hot."
"Well," I suggest, "You better move him."
"You know if I try to move him that he'll growl and snap at me."(Only time Murph gets pissed off).
"Well you want him to move, so you move him."
"Really??" Jeff asks. "You're gonna make me move him."
"Yep." Just taunting him to get his goat.
"Oh come on, just move him."
"Fine," I give in with Jeff expecting me to push his butt down our shiny comforter.(Because he never barks at me even if I move him.) I am the alpha to him although he thinks he outranks Jeff and Avalon.
Instead of physically moving Murph, I say, "Okay Murph, time to go to bed." With that he gets up and walks to the foot of the bed and lays back down to go to sleep.
Jeff goes to bed just shaking his head.
Saturday, September 10, 2011
29 is not old right?
When I think of 29 the number it seems old. I mean 29 is right down the street from 30 and 30 is in the same neighborhood as 35 which is pretty darn close to 40. Okay I may bit exaggerating a bit but 29 seems old and well, I don't feel old.
Perhaps its the 50 lbs I've lost so far although in my opinion I've got another 50 to go but I have had more energy in the last 6 months or so. I feel like I'm finally figuring life out. Sad I know, it taken me nearly 30 years to be comfortable in my own skin and know how I want things to be. I've also figured out that I am the only thing standing between me and what I want. Deep. Just kidding. Just, the number I am and the number I feel don't match.
It still seems surreal that we are moving this week. You'd think with every box I've packed and every box I have hauled out to the garage, it would seem a little bit real but I still can't beleive it. And on the whole, I am SO excited. I am so excited to be in a house that we get to fix up just the way we want. I am so excited to have a house that I can host Thanksgiving in. I can't wait to make Christmas cookies in my new kitchen with Avalon. I can't wait to go running in my new neighborhood. I can't wait to pick flooring samples, and paint samples and light fixtures. I love knowing that we plan on being here as long as possible. And when the thought of doing all the remodeling/fixing overwhelms me, I remind myself that no matter what does or doesn't get done, Avalon is going to a much better school.
But when i think about leaving this house and somebody else living in it, I feel so sad. This house will always be ours. I will have lived all but 2 years of my twenties in it. I grew up here. And, with the way I grew up, you should know exactly what I mean.
Jeff and I hadn't been married even a year when we moved in. This is where we adopted our first dog and so far only dog. (I think even Murph is having anxiety over everything. Poor thing is losing hair like crazy). I learned my decorating skills with this house and thank God that has evolved. (By the time we've been in our new house for about 10 years I ought to have it figured out right?)
We found out November 6th of 2006 that we would get to be parents. July 11th of 2007 we brought Avalon home from the hospital. I learned how to be a mother in this house(although I'm still figuring that one out). Thus far, this house is where we've made all our memories. It's where we've celebrated Christmas and birthdays and the first days of school.
And I know that we'll be making new memories in our new house! But getting rid of this house almost seems like getting rid of those memories. It's almost like once I start to forget things about this house, I'll start to forget the things we did in the house. And those are things I never want to forget. Nearly a third of my life has been spent in this house. And truly, they have been the best years of my life.
And judging by Miss Avalon's dramatics of late, I think the anxiety and hoopla of the move is really getting to her which is totally understandable. I just want her to know that this move is a good thing and make it as enjoyable and as fun as we can. And it will be. I am so excited to move to our new house. (But come Thursday night, I might be a smidge teary.) But a house doesn't make a home. Jeff, Avalon, Murph and I make the house our home.
Perhaps its the 50 lbs I've lost so far although in my opinion I've got another 50 to go but I have had more energy in the last 6 months or so. I feel like I'm finally figuring life out. Sad I know, it taken me nearly 30 years to be comfortable in my own skin and know how I want things to be. I've also figured out that I am the only thing standing between me and what I want. Deep. Just kidding. Just, the number I am and the number I feel don't match.
It still seems surreal that we are moving this week. You'd think with every box I've packed and every box I have hauled out to the garage, it would seem a little bit real but I still can't beleive it. And on the whole, I am SO excited. I am so excited to be in a house that we get to fix up just the way we want. I am so excited to have a house that I can host Thanksgiving in. I can't wait to make Christmas cookies in my new kitchen with Avalon. I can't wait to go running in my new neighborhood. I can't wait to pick flooring samples, and paint samples and light fixtures. I love knowing that we plan on being here as long as possible. And when the thought of doing all the remodeling/fixing overwhelms me, I remind myself that no matter what does or doesn't get done, Avalon is going to a much better school.
But when i think about leaving this house and somebody else living in it, I feel so sad. This house will always be ours. I will have lived all but 2 years of my twenties in it. I grew up here. And, with the way I grew up, you should know exactly what I mean.
Jeff and I hadn't been married even a year when we moved in. This is where we adopted our first dog and so far only dog. (I think even Murph is having anxiety over everything. Poor thing is losing hair like crazy). I learned my decorating skills with this house and thank God that has evolved. (By the time we've been in our new house for about 10 years I ought to have it figured out right?)
We found out November 6th of 2006 that we would get to be parents. July 11th of 2007 we brought Avalon home from the hospital. I learned how to be a mother in this house(although I'm still figuring that one out). Thus far, this house is where we've made all our memories. It's where we've celebrated Christmas and birthdays and the first days of school.
And I know that we'll be making new memories in our new house! But getting rid of this house almost seems like getting rid of those memories. It's almost like once I start to forget things about this house, I'll start to forget the things we did in the house. And those are things I never want to forget. Nearly a third of my life has been spent in this house. And truly, they have been the best years of my life.
And judging by Miss Avalon's dramatics of late, I think the anxiety and hoopla of the move is really getting to her which is totally understandable. I just want her to know that this move is a good thing and make it as enjoyable and as fun as we can. And it will be. I am so excited to move to our new house. (But come Thursday night, I might be a smidge teary.) But a house doesn't make a home. Jeff, Avalon, Murph and I make the house our home.
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
Turns out I was worried for nothing
The inspection on our house didn't go as badly as I had anticipated. She is negotiating 4 fixes, three of which we are doing. The last one concerning a window fix, is undecided until I get some quotes.
I'll let you know how that goes.
Tomorrow we have the home inspection on the new home. Cross your fingers things go well!
I'll let you know how that goes.
Tomorrow we have the home inspection on the new home. Cross your fingers things go well!
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
It's like waiting for Christmas but not
I don't think I have had this much extended periods of anxiety since I had post partum depression after Avalon was born.
And while everyone tries to reassure me that I'm just being a pessimist, I can't help but think that things have gone so well to this point that something has to go wrong. When does anything go 100% our way. Our realtor really feels this deal was meant to be and that nothing on our inspection will be a deal breaker. And while I know she is working for us and we are her paycheck, I have never felt she has made her money at our expense. It's probably for this reason that we are using her the second time around.
I guess it is just that I want to move to this new house so badly, that I would be devastated if things fall apart.
So far, no panic attacks, so that is an improvement over a few years ago but ask me tomorrow when we get the results from the inspection. I have that lump in my chest, like it is rising up but so far, I think I am handling it better than I would have in the past. But it is ever present for me. The wait for the results has taken so long it seems just like waiting for Christmas but in the negative since.
Until then, I may have to start drinking.
And while everyone tries to reassure me that I'm just being a pessimist, I can't help but think that things have gone so well to this point that something has to go wrong. When does anything go 100% our way. Our realtor really feels this deal was meant to be and that nothing on our inspection will be a deal breaker. And while I know she is working for us and we are her paycheck, I have never felt she has made her money at our expense. It's probably for this reason that we are using her the second time around.
I guess it is just that I want to move to this new house so badly, that I would be devastated if things fall apart.
So far, no panic attacks, so that is an improvement over a few years ago but ask me tomorrow when we get the results from the inspection. I have that lump in my chest, like it is rising up but so far, I think I am handling it better than I would have in the past. But it is ever present for me. The wait for the results has taken so long it seems just like waiting for Christmas but in the negative since.
Until then, I may have to start drinking.
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