If you get a chance, watch the episode of Dr. Phil today about the judge who was seen on You Tube beating his daughter.
The girls mother actually joins in. And sadly, I completely understand her mother. She seemed to me that she wanted to give her daughter her punishment and be done but the father was raging.
She didn't protect her daughter because she was scared of what her husband would do to her. In my opinion, I think she was trying to punish her daughter to appease her husband and then he'd stop. But he didn't.
Don't think I defend her actions because they are indefensible but I understand it. I understand why my mother never protected us. One, she was brainwashed into beleiving what he was doing was right. And the times when she knew he wasn't right, she didn't jump to our defense because then his rage would be turned to her. And sadly, I feel like sometimes, when my dad was angry, it was every man for themself.
I understand being brainwashed and thinking those sort of things are normal. As bad as it sounds, it's true. Until high school, I thought everybody got 'beat.' And even after I moved out, I still thought a lot of what he did was alright. Now, i realize most everything he did, in regards to discipline was wrong.
Two things about the video hit me very hard. One, the father kept saying "Turn Over, Turn OVer or I'll hit your face." My dad used to say that and even go further saying he didn't even care if he broke out all my teeth.
Second, something the mother said just infuriated me. She told her daughter to "turn over and take it like a grown woman." Dammit, a 16 year old girl is not a grown woman. And taking a beating isn't something an adult should be expected to endure.
And regardless of the daughters motives for releasing the video, he was still wrong. YOU DON'T BEAT YOUR KIDS.
And while Jeff and I choose to raise Avalon absent of corporal punishment, I don't know if i think spanking in general is necesarily bad. Spanking is different from beating. That being said, I think Dr Phil has a good point. Spanking is not the way to go. Because when you turn angry a spanking can easily become more.
I don't want to ever put myself in that position. So, not spanking eliminates that. Because, while the pain of spanking is (mostly temporary) there are such lasting effects that I think people like my dad never thought of. I could never forgive myself if Avalon became fearful and distrustful of me. If I lost her trust and respect, my parenting would no longer be effective.
(Please do not take this post as a cry for pity. That is the last thing I need. This subject just had me all riled up and I needed to vent. I am not an expert on parenting but I think I have figured some things out especially in regards to what I don't want to do)