Thursday, February 16, 2012

What now

Part of me has things to say, things I want to record, feelings I want to make known. And the other part of me says, "What's the point."

I am so tired of talking about my weight loss or lack there of. I'm tired of doctors who don't seem to have answers and want to suggest surgery. I have no problem restricting my calories. Isn't that the point of gastric bypass/lapband.

I am so tired of being stressed about what I put into my mouth. I am tired of being stressed about squeezing in enough exercise. I am tired of hurting. My hips, knees, ankles and feet hurt ALL of the time. I am tired of the anxious panicky feeling I have when I can't exercise. When Jeff says, "Take a week off, let your feet heal up a bit," I want to say "Yeah you're right I should." Instead I look at him like he's shouting blashemy.

I'm tired of people who suggest supplements, strange diets, fads, and want to make a dollar off of me trying to lose weight. I know how to lose weight. Cut calories, and exercise. I'm doing that. All. the. time.

I've gained 4 lbs since Thanksgiving. I can't for the life of me, get it to come off, and lose more. 300 minutes of exercise, 1200 calories, 15-20 miles a week. I'm tired.

I'm really tired of sounding like a whiner. But this consumes my life. I'm tired of it consuming my life.

And now my doctor thinks I'm starving myself, that 1200 calories aren't enough. If I were starving myself, would I have the energy to exercise this much, do all the things I do, wouldn't I be absolutely exhausted? Not that I have more energy than the next guy but I'm not dragging butt all day.

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