When I think of 29 the number it seems old. I mean 29 is right down the street from 30 and 30 is in the same neighborhood as 35 which is pretty darn close to 40. Okay I may bit exaggerating a bit but 29 seems old and well, I don't feel old.
Perhaps its the 50 lbs I've lost so far although in my opinion I've got another 50 to go but I have had more energy in the last 6 months or so. I feel like I'm finally figuring life out. Sad I know, it taken me nearly 30 years to be comfortable in my own skin and know how I want things to be. I've also figured out that I am the only thing standing between me and what I want. Deep. Just kidding. Just, the number I am and the number I feel don't match.
It still seems surreal that we are moving this week. You'd think with every box I've packed and every box I have hauled out to the garage, it would seem a little bit real but I still can't beleive it. And on the whole, I am SO excited. I am so excited to be in a house that we get to fix up just the way we want. I am so excited to have a house that I can host Thanksgiving in. I can't wait to make Christmas cookies in my new kitchen with Avalon. I can't wait to go running in my new neighborhood. I can't wait to pick flooring samples, and paint samples and light fixtures. I love knowing that we plan on being here as long as possible. And when the thought of doing all the remodeling/fixing overwhelms me, I remind myself that no matter what does or doesn't get done, Avalon is going to a much better school.
But when i think about leaving this house and somebody else living in it, I feel so sad. This house will always be ours. I will have lived all but 2 years of my twenties in it. I grew up here. And, with the way I grew up, you should know exactly what I mean.
Jeff and I hadn't been married even a year when we moved in. This is where we adopted our first dog and so far only dog. (I think even Murph is having anxiety over everything. Poor thing is losing hair like crazy). I learned my decorating skills with this house and thank God that has evolved. (By the time we've been in our new house for about 10 years I ought to have it figured out right?)
We found out November 6th of 2006 that we would get to be parents. July 11th of 2007 we brought Avalon home from the hospital. I learned how to be a mother in this house(although I'm still figuring that one out). Thus far, this house is where we've made all our memories. It's where we've celebrated Christmas and birthdays and the first days of school.
And I know that we'll be making new memories in our new house! But getting rid of this house almost seems like getting rid of those memories. It's almost like once I start to forget things about this house, I'll start to forget the things we did in the house. And those are things I never want to forget. Nearly a third of my life has been spent in this house. And truly, they have been the best years of my life.
And judging by Miss Avalon's dramatics of late, I think the anxiety and hoopla of the move is really getting to her which is totally understandable. I just want her to know that this move is a good thing and make it as enjoyable and as fun as we can. And it will be. I am so excited to move to our new house. (But come Thursday night, I might be a smidge teary.) But a house doesn't make a home. Jeff, Avalon, Murph and I make the house our home.