Monday, April 25, 2011

Here is what I put up with

The following is an email my biological father sent me in regards to the transgressions he feels I've committed. I never respond as I find his accusations baseless and don't feel the need to create more drama in my life.

He sent another letter today that I will also post where he says I'm a terrible person for not helping my alcoholic brother who landed himself in prison after several DUI's and various other charges stemming from a high speed chase wherein he rolled his car, injured his passenger, and ran from the scene of the crime and disappeared for a year, not once callling to let me know he was okay. Yes I used to help him and then I was labled as an enabler. There is no winning with my father so I do what I feel is right. Joe quit corresponding with me when I asked that he keep the conversations between he and I to ourselves but he wouldn't and my father used what I said and wrote against me anyway he can.

Heather, In spite of what you must imagine you're not friend to anyone, least of all Jeff, the Hughs and Avalon. Some day when you're older, as does my sister Beth, you'll realize that all you collected is broken relationships, ugliness, enemies. Your Mom and I aren't concerned about your feelings or lack of them for us but can't imagine how you can be so heartless to have rejected Joe when he needed you. If it weren't for your Mom and me, Joe wouldn't have had so much as a postage stamp or a pair of undershorts this past two years, let alone a sincere visitor. Sure, you went to see him once but when you found out he was in contact with us...and he had no choice if we wanted enough to eat, warm clothing, legal representation, money or anything abandoned him just as you abandoned everyone else you're related to. You weren't smart enough to realize that the only reason my sisters attended your wedding and Joe's was in revenge against me; they cared nothing for you and still don't as proven by their abandonment of you. They were there to assist your rebellion but cared so little for you they've not come back to try to help you through it. Beth is finally that it's too late to do anything about it...that her presence in Larry's, Steve's Mark's, Travis's, and Jared's lives served only to set them apart from each other and her. Someday you'll realize, as will Jeff, your in-laws and Avalon, that your presence, instead of uniting families, served only to divide them. And although you won't believe it now, your actions will someday divide you from your daughter...she won't always be little and Jeff won't always be immature and naive. They will figure you out and see you as the over-painted, often obese, always deceiver you are. When that happens, neither will you have a home or friend here, or family member who care anything about you. Your influence in Kristian's life from the moment he became reacquainted with you produces nothing but strife and alienation; your influence in Tammy's life, nothing short of betrayal to Joe, has done nothing but harm him and Garrett. A good name for you is Jezebel; you're scheming and disloyal, a betrayer, evil in the truest sense of the word. We tell Joe, and mean it, that he's better off without you; thankfully, he believes it. You publish for the world to see your "deep concerns" for him and in those same internet postings painted a picture of me as one who not only wouldn't help him but stood in your shadow in that regard. Joe now understands who you are and why you do this; he sees you for what you are and what you've done, not just to our family, but to his family and yours. Shame, shame, shame on you Heather. Don't bother coming back to see us ever; your Mom and I have left instruction that nothing of ours is ever to go to you and you're not to be allowed even at our funerals. We're glad in one way that things have happened the way they did. Now Hilary has Joe to protect her from you in the event something happens to us. As you have sown, so shall you reap, this an eternal blessing; perhaps, before you die, you will understand it and turn from your ways. Dad

Here is the latest letter today. He is just crazy and manipulative.

Easter Sunday,
and I feel badly for Joe in your regard. He has nothing and no one but us to help him. In spite of what you may imagine about the Corrections system, and in spite of what the incarcerated may deserve, they're given nothing tangible and little to eat or wear. If it weren't for your Mom and me Joe wouldn't have underwear, socks, toiletries, writing materials, stamps, eye glasses, medical and dental care or spending money. His position is so hopeless our concern is that he'll give up and try to harm himself. He's so far behind on child support and has so many judgments and collections he has almost no money left at the end of every month. In pre-release for 9 months now, he has less than $75 a month to spend on himself after child support and judgments. We're glad we're able to furnish him a place to live with utilities and able to buy him groceries and clothing yet he finds little hope in that. How can you look yourself in the mirror knowing how you're treating Joe. Do you think it makes it easier for him because he caused his own problems? Do you think it's easy for him to have to count on his parents for basic needs at his age? For sure, he can't count on you, even for kindness, compassion, sympathy or pity....and he's truly in a pitiable position. What kind of a sister are you? Would you want anyone to treat your daughter the way you treat Joe? Were I you I'd hope with all my heart there is no God. If it's true that people reap what they sow, you're in for a miserable future. Whatever you do, don't say the Lord's prayer....if God forgives you the way you forgive others you'll go straight to hell. I'm ashamed of you Heather; you're such a disappointment to the Nickol families. Dad

Now I'm off to see why the block I had on him isn't there. I don't need this in my life. And I hope you can see why I haven't had a relationship with them for the past 10+ years.


  1. I am speechless. Those are the most cold and hurtful words...
    Heather, you do NOT need this in your life. You are an amazing woman with an awesome family. You deserve all the happiness in the world. You have worked for all that you have. Please do not let him get you down. You owe them nothing.
    YOU, Heather Hughs, are a friggin' strong, sexy, sassy lady!

  2. Hi Heather, it's Rita- I'm not really "anonymous", it just wouldn't let me post this otherwise, none of the other options worked. Anyway...
    Oh gosh, I'm sorry you have to deal with this! He must be related to Carrie Jo's dad, my ex-husband. I received literally STACKS of emails, letters, etc... that he bombarded me with when we got divorced, and it's all the same, just ranting and raving about how I'm going to hell because I abandoned him... what these people never seem to get is that when you've done everything you possibly can and nothing works, you have to get out to save your own sanity. He won't even speak to Carrie Jo anymore (going on two years now) because she dared to hold him to his promise to let her see her friend over Thanksgiving when she was visiting from Spokane. It was his turn to spend the holiday with the girls, but he decided last minute that he was taking her to Missoula instead, and she told him to take a hike... probably the best thing she ever did, I know she's much happier not having to put up with his craziness. And I think the most frustrating thing about people like this is that they truly are sick, but in their twisted minds, they're the normal ones, and it's you who's all screwed up- you can't win. For the record, TWO different marriage counselors told us that it was pretty much hopeless unless I wanted to stick around and raise my daughters to think this kind of behavior is normal and acceptable- I didn't, so I left, and instead of taking any responsibility for the failure of our marriage, he just accused me instead of having affairs with both counselors,otherwise how could they possibly side with me?? Still trying to figure out when I had time for all that sleeping around I supposedly did, when I had two little ones under the age of four and was working full time... Glad you're not giving this guy the time of day. This is abuse, just as bad or worse than if he hit you right in the face. Hang in there, you've got us!

  3. Heather I love you!! YOU are my only Nickol in-law ;) we need to get together when we get back from minnesota....


  4. What would he possibly gain from attacking your closest relationships? Just because he lives has cold and nasty relationships doesn't mean that you do. I love you and I will always be your friend. I know that your daughter and Jeff adore you just from your photos.
    Also, I worked at the Pre-Release for two years. Joe would not ever be in a situation where he would starve or go without clothing. That is just ridiculous. I am secretly hoping that he is just taking advantage of your biological bastard parents.

  5. Wow, Heath, I knew your parents were psycho like mine, but these letters put them right over the top. I think it's best to not have communication with them too. I've been lucky enough to not have had communication with mine for the last two years, but since they've found out I'm pregnant they've become awfully pushy to have a relationship with me, (not my husband or stepson, of course) but they want me and my little bean to be a part of their lives. In the last letter I received (4.5 pages of everything I've done wrong) I was also accused of cheating them out of this experience in their lives.
    Well, the people who cheated them are themselves, and the same goes for your parents. They're just infuriated that we can move on and live happily with our in-laws as our primary family. Even though they assume that everything will fall apart eventually. Their loss, we have beautiful families and are happy.

  6. Sounds like someone is jealous of his daughter's happiness...which is sick.

    I'm sorry you have to deal with such a psycho.

  7. Psycho for sure. Wow.

    Well, *you* know you're happy and of course rock at life, so screw him.

    Block, block, block away! Repeat as necessary, yeah?

  8. They all need to grow up, idiots the lot of them, the lord sees what is true and knows all secrets, no worries. Just remember, u can't choose your parents, but you do choose how u want to live and who deserves you in their life. They don't.


  9. I have been thinking about this all day. A bright spot is that every time you hear anything from those nasty people is a confirmation that you are doing the right thing. You are doing the right thing for that adorable little girl, for your husband, and for yourself by cutting them out of your life.

  10. Dear Heather,
    I am so sorry about those awful words from your dad. I know they are not true. I don't think my mom made it to your wedding, but I am confident that our aunts did not go for any reason but to give you the support and love they felt you needed. I remember wishing I could have been there.

    Mostly, I feel badly that your dad used God and the Lord's prayer to hurt you. The truth is that all of us would go straight to hell without God's forgiveness: no matter how I slice it, I am deficient. Please don't let your dad's insults make you pause there for a second. Because the rest of the truth is this: sure, we pray that the Lord will forgive us as we forgive others, but He forgives us BETTER than our sins deserve (Ps. 103:10; and there are lots more places where God's forgiveness is demonstrated. I could tell those to you if you are interested).

    Honestly, it's really ironic that he had so many negative things to say about you. I am so pleased for you that you love your family, that you are so talented with cooking and sewing and working with technology, that you have been so diligent with your food and blog and taking care of your family...a girl could get quite intimidated. :) (I saw your cute poncho while taking a break from my little costume flop for my poor 4th grade daughter).